缘分 y͏u͏a͏n͏f͏e͏n͏ -; j͏u͏n͏g͏r͏i͏

c o l o r s 颜色

everything is blue
his pills, his hands, his dreams
and now i'm covered in the colors
pull apart at the seams
and it's blue
and it's blue

the color of trust and peace, loyalty and integrity, reliable and confident ― blue. it gives security; nostalgic and considered to be a peaceful color in yerim's very own opinion. blue reminds her about jeongguk too. how he can be so loyal, not to yerim, but to jieun; how he can be so honest about his feelings about her, and how he tries to change the subject whenever yerim asks him whether he has ever once loved her, even for just a second.

ironically, yerim is the blue color, while jeongguk is simply red.

she is loyal to him; she's honest about her own feelings towards him; she's reliable that he can even lean on her for comfort when he cries; she is confident enough to think that he will like her more than jieun, but she is wrong. she thought she had the sense of security, the sense of confidence when he said 'yes' but little did she know, jeongguk did it out of pity.

i trusted you because i love you, but never did i know, it was a wrong trust given. you know what artists say, when one mixes red and blue together, they get purple. a beautiful purple. and what does purple means? she scribbles in her journal, that is slightly wet. wet from her tears.

purple contains the energy of the color red, which is literally jeongguk, and blue, which is yerim. these colors symbolize the union of body and soul, which creates a balance between the physical and spiritual energies. did ours merge? did ours combined to be one? sadly, no. she thought when joengguk said 'yes', she finally had a chance to be one with him, to understand him but she was wrong. she thought he genuinely liked her, she thought he had fallen for her, she thought he liked her for who she was, but she was wrong because she just wasn't right for him.

you were red and you liked me because i was blue
you touched me and suddenly i was a lilac sky
and you decided purple just wasn't for you.

"let's break up," he whispers softly while avoiding her gaze, brushing his fingers across her bangs. yerim didn't know how to react. is she supposed to go down on her knees and beg for him to reconsider or is she supposed to be break down in tears or is she supposed to say yes?

"w-why?"

her tongue gets tied-up after asking him that question, even though she knows his answer by heart. watching him silently, as he licks his lips nervously just like he used to do whenever he is nervous.

"i don't love you."

there is no hesitation in his answer ― direct, straightforward, simple and pure.

"not even a bit?"

not even a bit, shall be his answer. she knows. she knows but she just wanted to hear it from his mouth that she isn't good enough for him; that she isn't sufficient enough to replace her and that she is probably a thing that he pities.

"no."

they say that light purple awakens romance and nostalgic while dark purple awakens frustration and sad feelings. in that moment, she wonders which purple she is for him. or is she just a purple?

everything is grey
his hair, his smoke, his dreams
and now he's so devoid of color
he don't know what it means
and he's blue
and he's blue

their paths continue to cross daily during dance lessons, but they never said anything. they barely glance at one another, or rather, he barely even looks at her, not even once. even though her eyes are following him the entire time. he became grey ― dull, boring, lifeless.