Unwind | EDITING |

Blood and glory

I was never one to care about my own personal wellbeing. For as long as I can remember, I was someone who would neglect his personal needs. I never cared if I got hurt, was hungry, lonely, stressed or anything else for that matter. I have always been somewhat of a careless person.

I remember being around 9 years old when it first occurred to me that I might be different to the usual bunch regarding the concern for my safety. It was during a severe drought in my home-town when my parents sent me to stay with my aunt. I stayed there for about a week. Her house was surrounded by a big green forest, cliffs, and mountains contrasting the harsh gray cities of my hometown.

During my short stay, I and a few kids from the surrounding areas got to know each other surprisingly well. We spent our days playing and running around the vast and beautiful forest. I can recall it like it was yesterday. We used to pretend to be a pack of wolves or a group of adventurers exploring the mountain. 

There were four of us in total. Mal, the tallest of the bunch, probably saw himself as our leader, he was a big, chubby brown haired kid with a narrow face and a long nose that looked like he borrowed it from an old man. There seemed to be no end to his energy, he would always try to lead us and fail miserably, due to this we would often get into fights and since he was half a head taller than me it never really seemed to end in my favor. That's when Carl would step in, he would always get Mal of my back. While no match in strength Carl tenacity was more than enough to scare anyone, it would seem as if he could even deal with adults if he had to. Normally, Carl was a quiet kid, never really picking fights with anyone or opposing anyone for that matter, but when push came to shove, man you really would not want to be on the receiving and of his anger. And then there was Alice the only one I still keep in touch with, the girl of the group, she was a nice and sweet girl who would always offer the three of us a shoulder to lean on, due to her small and frail build she would often find it draining to run around the forest with us, chasing rabbits isn't easy after all, but she always managed to pull herself through and just push herself a little bit harder than the rest of us. Sometimes I think that without her I would be long gone...

-It seems like your childhood friends mean an awful lot to you, but what exactly do they have to do with your strange obsession?

-I was just getting to that point. You see on the last day that I stayed with my aunt, me and my friends decided to venture further than we have ever ventured before, we decided to go see the waterfall. Maybe it wasn't the smartest Idea for four kids to go into the deep dark, scary woods all alone but we didn't know any better. As we saw it, we were a scary pack of wolves and no one in the entire forest could ever harm us. But we were wrong. During our expedition, we were forced to learn that we were nothing compared to a real danger, a wolf... At first, we ran, but having quickly realized that we weren't going to get away that's when I knew I needed to do something different. So I stayed back to fight the wolf. First, I threw rocks at it to get its attention, then I picked up the largest stick that I could get my hands on I tried to intimidate it, but It was futile. I tried swinging at the wolf but the beast was too fast, It swooped right past my wide swing and bit into my shoulder. I wasn't scared but I could feel my heart racing, It was an odd euphoric feeling that seemed to get me on a strange emotional high, I didn't care if I died that day or if it will be any other day for that matter, all I was worried about during that moment was that feeling. Suddenly, from the distance, I heard Carl shout. He got the attention of the beast on to himself. The wolf wasn't the only one affected by it, the second I heard his voice it was as if something in me woke up, I knew I had no choice but to fight. That's when I saw the edge of the cliff positioned directly behind the wolf. Being the little opportunist I knew I was, I had but one option and that was what I did. I grabbed the beast by its neck, lifted its front body and charged forward as fast as I could, throwing both myself and the wolf off the cliff.

-I see and what happened next?

-Well, I woke up at the hospital the next morning, a large pool of water softened my landing, Sadly the wolf didn't share the same fate and landed on the rocks. After I fell carl got me out of the water as fast as he could, while Alice called for help to get me treated. I guess I owe those guys my life.

-And what about Mal, the big kid?

-What about Mal, he ran away with his tail between his legs never to look back.

-How did that make you feel?

-Didn't really care since the result would have been the same either way.

You see, doctor, this occurrence was that first time I realized that I'm not right in the head. I feeling I felt during that moment was exuberating, I felt like It changed me forever.

-Could you try to describe it for me?

-It felt like the world was nothing to me like I am all there is like I can be whatever and whoever I want to be. It is a hot and burning sensation that makes your guts twist and turn like two snakes trying to devour each other, It is a feeling surpassing all others, a feeling that truly makes you glad to be alive. And you see, doctor, ever since the moment I first felt that feeling, the moment I enjoyed it beyond what's physically possible, that was the moment I knew, I am a suicidal maniac.

-Excuse me mister Asinus...

-Call me Thane

-Yes, Thane, what you're saying is quite shocking, to say the least, and I think it will take some time for us to work out the real meaning of what you just said. But by any chance are you implying that you actively seek pleasure in death?

-Um, well I know what it might sound like but despite " suicidal maniac" having a weird ring to It, I really don't care about death that much. It's all just a part of life, life and death, good and evil all of these concepts are beautiful. And I believe that there so much more beautiful when close together. After all is it so wrong to seek stimuli in this Sisyphean boulder- like world of ours?

-I see, mister Asinus I'm afraid...

-Thane, please continue.

-...I'm afraid that I will have to advise you to stay in our institution due to your self-destructive behavior, I would be simply shocked if something terrible would happen to you because I failed to intervene.

A deep sigh could be heard right before the recording ended. The screen of a tired old monitor fades to black.

"I see, Thane, was it? So you really do have a death wish." Said the reaper.

A muffled scream could be heard in the background...

Thank you for reading the first chapter, this will be a 12 part series.

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