Killing The Merciless

Why?

Why?
Why?
Why?

It kept repeating in my head.

Why?
Why?
Why?

I couldn't make it stop. This pounding in my head. It felt like my head could burst. Why did he do this to me? Why me?

Lying in bed, all these thoughts flowed. Then I replayed that moment in my head again.

I was at my friend Tory's house. We were just having an innocent sleepover for the weekend. Until I woke up the next morning. Her father jumped onto the bed and kissed me on the neck. I just froze. I couldn't move. I couldn't think. Why did that happen. At first I shook it off thinking, 'Oh it's nothing Marian.' But oh was I wrong. After that denouement,Tory, woke up and we went downstairs for breakfast. Everyone was down there except Tory's mother. But her brother and Father's damned old lady friend were sitting in the living room on the couch. Tory went to the bathroom while I cooked breakfast, as I always did.

Her father got up from the couch shortly after that and strolled into the kitchen looking happy as ever. He came up beside me to make his own breakfast. His movement beside me startled me. I was afraid something like earlier would happen again. And it did.

He faced toward me and pulled me into his arms. I wish I could cut those arms off. And started to once again, kiss on my neck. I was absolutely disgusted. But I didn't do anything. I was frozen. I was shaken in.... I don't know what I was feeling. It was trepidation......no it was more than fear. I was confused, distressed. I didn't know what to do so I just roughly shoved his hands off of me. And went back up stairs, packed my stuff into my medium sized bag and walked out the door. Crossed the street and entered my house.

I took off my shoes and stumbled into my family room still shook from what just happened.

My drunken papaw got up from his recliner and shouted at me to do the dishes and I didn't yell back this time. I felt different. It was like a rush of adrenaline in my system caused me to not give a shit anymore. And I surprised my papaw to the point where he didn't push me any further than he would any other day.

I finished the dishes and put on my pajamas and went into my bedroom and just fell on top of my comforter, staring up at the ceiling.

I sighed. I took my hands and covered my eyes trying to think of happy thoughts. But it wasn't working. And tomorrow I had school.

I got off my comforter and got dressed. I didn't sleep a wink last night. I need to get this off my chest. And I can't tell Tory she won't believe me. I'll tell my best friend, Aria, she'll get it. She always does.