Subconscious (Anxceit)

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Chapter Three: Proudly Cynical

The Dark Side was just as he remembered it.
Cold, empty, and lonely.
He had entered his room from the Light Side, and come up to the door that helped him enter the Dark Side. Now he wandered. This side was empty. It just looked like shadow. Every now and then, he'd come up to a door, and he'd open it to see if Pride or Cynicism were around.
Strangely, they were nowhere.
Or so he thought.
"What are you doing here, Dorian?"
He turned, and was once again struck by how much Braydan looked like Logan.
He knew that Pride was Logan's Dark Side, but this was ridiculous. They were almost exactly the same.
Braydan wore an orange long sleeved button up with the sleeves rolled up under a plain black sweater vest. He'd forgone Logan's tie, but he wore the same black glasses. He'd styled his hair the same. The even wore the same expression. The only way to distinguish the two were their eyes. Logan's were regular brown. Braydan, however, had pitch black eyes, except for the iris, which was a deep purple.
Pride, like Logan, would never admit he'd been wrong. He'd have had better luck with Clay.
"You know why I'm here." He suddenly felt exhausted.
Braydan sneered at him.
"You've been over there for a few months and have already gone soft. You don't have it in you to lie to me anymore. Pathetic."
"I would never have lied to you, Braydan. It was not I who turned my back. You denounced me long before I left."
Braydan crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes.
"Maybe you haven't changed. That sounded much like a lie to me."
Dorian scowled and stood straighter. Braydan winced, almost discreetly.
"That was never a lie. You always knew how I felt about you, even when that changed. When you changed, Braydan. The reason you were shoved here with me was because your intentions changed. Then you convinced Clay to do the same."
"I've been the same I always was. Thomas just got weak." Braydan scowled. "Why would you care anyway? It's not like you ever cared about us."
Dorian took a step forward.
"I cared about you once. I cared about you all. But when we became the only ones left, you turned your back on me. But you know what? You. Couldn't. Survive. Without. Me." He punctuated each word with a jab to Braydan's chest. "You wouldn't know how to keep going without me."
Braydan looked terrified, so Dorian took a step back.
"If I find out you're going to hurt anyone, I will personally come back and fade you myself."
He ducked out and went back to his room.
He fell against the door, a hand over his mouth.
Maybe he did belong in the Dark Side...

He was still in his room when he appeared in front of him.
"Clay." Dorian didn't look up at him.
Cynicism sat in front of him and looked up.
"He misses you, Dorian. He's just too... proud to admit it."
Dorian snorted and looked up at him. Clay looked very similar to Virgil. His hair hung in his eyes, and he was engulfed in a green hoodie much too big for him. He didn't wear make up, and there weren't any visible deformities, as Braydan and Dorian had. He was different enough that the similarities weren't as scary as they were with Logan and Braydan, but the similarities were there. Clay pulled his hands into his sleeves and gripped the insides.
"I miss you too, Dee. But I gave up hope you'd come back a long time ago. You clearly don't miss us."
That stung a little. Despite the claim they meant nothing to him, he still felt responsible for Clay.
He still remembered what he'd been like when he first appeared.
Despite having the appearance of a seven year old (which they'd all found quite weird) he was snarky and sarcastic, with a pessimistic and suspicious disposition.
He'd let Deceit in quicker than he'd intended. Virgil was naturally suspicious of new people, because of his anxiety, and Braydan had just wanted nothing to do with him. He'd approached Clay as if approaching a wild animal.
"Hello... I'm not Deceit."
"Deceit?... Oh. I get it. That's your name."
"No."
"Is that your name, or not? Make up your mind."
"... Call me Dorian."
"Is that a lie, Deceit?"
"No."
Clay had warmed up to him sooner than he'd intended. And as Thomas' cynicism grew, so did Clay.
After Dorian knocked down his walls, Virgil had, before Braydan finally decided to pay some attention to him and do the same.
Clay looked up at him through his bangs. "Well? Anything to say?"
Dorian looked at him. Clay just sighed and stood.
"Didn't think so. I'll see you around, Dee."
He disappeared. Dorian sighed and flung open the door to the Dark Side.
"For what it's worth, Clay... I'm sorry."
There was no answer. Not that he'd expected one, but... he shut the door and turned around.

Patton could see he was miserable.
He was the only one who paid attention.
"What's wrong kiddo?"
"Nothing. I'm fine."
"Please, Dee. Tell me what's wrong."
"Oh please, continue to push me. Surely I'll open up." He sneered and looked away.
Patton looked hurt, and Dorian sighed.
"I do not apologise, Patton. It's just that I do so enjoy being pushed..."
Patton smiled lightly.
"It's okay. Talk when you're ready."
Bold of Patton to assume he'd ever be ready.
Sometimes... he'd feel random bouts of anxiousness that made him think Virgil was watching... but whenever he checked, he was doing everything he could to avoid him.
Still, Dorian hoped...
It was stupid to hold hope.
Virgil would never want to be his friend again, much less have the same feelings.
After all, as Braydan had said...
"You've been renounced on both sides, Dorian." Braydan spat his name as if it were an insult.
"Maybe so, but at least I'm getting out of this place."
"And away from us?"
"Is that any secret? I've seen you two through every trial and tribulation, and you still turned your back on me."
"Maybe if you'd done your job instead of worrying about Virgil..."
"Maybe if you two had been different, I'd actually feel sorry about leaving."
Braydan stood to his full height.
"Fine. Go. We don't care. No one does. Because who'd care about you?"
The words had stung more than he cared to admit, because they rang true. But they'd turned their backs, long before he'd even considered leaving.
He didn't regret leaving.
Just because he felt sorry for Clay didn't mean he regretted it. He and Braydan had each other, as they always had, even before their relationship.
But now, because Deceit was just like Braydan, they may have been planning something.
And he'd take the fall, just as he always did.

I actually feel really good. Like I'm sticking to my schedules and whatnot, I'm even ahead. Like... this never happens for me, ever. I'm excited. Anyway, thanks for reading and being here and whatnot! See you next week!
-K