Shit Happens [REWRITING SOON]

10. Confuscious Say

I hit the 'Sign Up' button and began filling out the details. I had to use one of my old email addresses, one from when I was a kid, so it contain words like 'glitter' and 'pink' and 'unicorns' and stuff.

"Okey doke, Elle, we're ready. What username?" I asked.

"Just go with anon123 or whatever like Roy suggested."

I tried the username but it said that the name had already been taken.

"Nope. Another one?"

"anonomously?"

I tried the latter. No luck.

"Nope," I said.

"Ooh! I know! Try confuscioussay!"

"Okay- wait, what?"

"confuscioussay! It doesn't have anonymous in the name, but it's still pretty anonymous."

I shrugged. Might as well try it. I typed in the username and also nearly gave a cry of relief when it let me in. Thank God.

"Did it work?" Elle asked eagerly.

I hung my head.

"It didn't work did it?"

I didn't reply. I just sat there looking sad.

"Uh, maybe try-"

"HAHAHAHA I GOTCHA THERE!" I screamed at her.

"Wow. Hilarious." Elle deadpanned.

"Okay, what do I say? And what was his name?"

She told me his name and I added him. I then proceeded onto the camera page and took a photo with my hand over the camera so the image was black.

"Say, 'hey there, wanna come over? you'll enjoy it' and add my address and a winky face," Elle said.

"That's disgusting."

"Trust me, he'll buy it."

"Fine."

I did as she said and gave it to her to check.

"Well done, I'm gonna send it."

"Okay."

I saw her press the button on my screen to send it, then tap Patrick's thing.

I also then saw that my phone screen went black with a little loading symbol in the center. My phone just died.

"Do you have your phone?" I asked Elle.

"Yeah?"

"Pass it."

She pulled her phone out of her pocket and typed in her password.

I grabbed it out of her hands. "You little bitch! You still have, like, eighty percent battery left!"

She grinned sheepishly. I just shook my head and went onto her Snapchat app.

I was going to log out of hers and go onto the anonymous account, but I decided to do a little something first.

I held up the phone in front of me, on the front camera, and with Elle unaware and turning her head to look at the camera, I snapped a photo and quickly added a caption saying 'love her xx', and sent it to her story.

Her eyes widened and she lunged at me, obviously planning to snatch the phone away from me, but before she could, I logged out. The damage had been done.

I grinned at her as she folded her arms and pouted childishly. I blew her a kiss.

Logging on to the anonymous account, a bubble of excitement started building in my stomach; the type of excitement I always got from pulling a prank.

When it finally logged on, I found a reply from Patrick. I let out a small giggle and opened it with Elle peering over my shoulder.

'okay ;) when?' it said.

"What should we say?" I asked her.

"Say, '5:00 this arvo?' 'cause my parents will be out still."

"Okay."

I sent it.

"Woohoo! I cannot wait!" I squealed and gave Elle a high five.

"Neither!"

•••

We were hiding in Elle's kitchen around five-ish when a car finally pulled up. Fortunately, it was not her parents.

The reason we had hidden in her kitchen was because (a) it was situated above the front door and (b) that was where the balcony was.

We both had one poop filled nappy each. The one in my hand however, had a note stuck to it saying 'Shit happens' - of course.

A brown-haired figure slid casually out of the car and began making his way up to the front door. Patrick.

"Elle, open the door now," I asked quietly.

She did so, and it was very silent. It let in a cold breeze though, and I felt goosebumps rise on my arms.

"Ready? Go." I whispered.

We both crept onto the balcony, and just before Patrick disappeared underneath, Elle dropped hers.

The nappy hit right on target, splattering poop all over him. I released mine, with similar results.

It was also part of our plan to get a picture and send it to nearly the whole school via our anonymous snapchat account, so just as the second nappy hit him, Elle got a perfect birds eye photo.

Everyone's first reaction to something falling on them is to look up. We new this, so we quickly ran back inside before he could see who did it. Slamming and locking the door shut behind us, we rushed all the way down the hall to Elle's bedroom, where we collapsed in a fit of giggles.

"Did you get it?" I asked, referring to the photo.

She showed it to me, and I started laughing. Hard. Patrick had been looking up with his mouth open, getting a face full of shit.

"Okay, the caption is, "'might wanna wipe your mouth, i see a little bullshit - wait, i mean actual shit'," she said.

This made me laugh even harder. "God Elle, you are actually amazing at coming up with them."

"Danke, kind friend."

As she went to add it to her story, I cried, "No!" and her finger stopped short.

"Don't add it to your story, it'll send it to him! Send it to everyone but him!"

See, before, we had added almost everyone from school that we could think of, so when we sent the snap, many people would see it.

"Ohh... right. Sorry."

When the photo was sent I fell back onto her bed.

"Mission accomplished," Elle said.

Suddenly, something dawned on me. He had been looking up at the camera when we took the photo.

Meaning he would've seen us.

•••

i hope this long chapter makes up for the many weeks i haven't updated. But then again, quality not quantity and this chapter is shit cos i had writers block and ugh.

can we get some votes and comments for a poopy patrick?

pleas let me know if i need to change anything cos im pretty sure i made a heap of mistakes.

peace out pineapples ✌️

-hayley ❤️

oh yeah, one last thing. do you prefer apple or samsung?