Chapter two. ~ Baby House

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I felt like I was going to faint.

Turns out the 'second stage' was to be given baby equipment, have it loaded into a car along with my suitcases, be told to put the baby in the car seat in the car and get in said car.

At this point I was too scared not to do what I was told. Even though all I really wanted to do was run.

The words kept playing through my head as I tried to settle the baby. It was all I could do not to faint.

"You have to pretend you are a mother. Don't show any fear but don't fight. Take the baby and be strong. Do what the leader tells you. You can't get kicked out of the programme do you hear me? That's your safety card."

I don't know what is going on. But I remember clearly Mum saying not to show any fear, and that this is my 'safety card'. So whilst I wanted to run I couldn't, I had no clue the kind of consequence that would happen if I tied to.

The baby was in the car seat now, and was clearly not happy about it. From the looks the driver, and the accompanying nurse were giving me I needed to sort it out and quick.

"Excuse me, is there anywhere we can stop? I need to make the baby a bottle and I can't do that while we're moving."

Surprisingly they didn't question me or give me a funny look. Instead after a few minutes of driving pulled into the side of the road and got the baby equipment bag from the boot.

I was trying so hard not to let my hands shake while I prepared the bottle. I was on a time limit and I don't want to spill powder all over the car. It had been two years since I made a bottle, two years since I'd last had to think about holding or feeding a baby. But I guess some part of me knew the importance of and dig deep down to those memories, bringing them forward like they only happened last week.

So here I was in the back of a car, feeding a baby. From the outside, looking in you'd think this was natural instinct or practice, but really it was the fear, importance and adrenaline bringing back the knowledge and so called 'confidence'.

Looking down I could see the baby was heavily gulping and getting through the bottle pretty quickly. Remembering what happened when Mia drank too quickly, I gently removed the bottle and leaned her? Him? Forward and began to pat them on the back. Until I got the response I was looking for.
Once the baby had settled back into feeding, I realised I knew absolutely nothing. I didn't know where we were going or what they were planning on doing to us. I didn't know why they had a tiny baby and were giving it to me and expecting me to: A. Know what to do and B. Look after it.

Where was it's Mother? Was this even legal?

Oh and I also didn't know how old the baby was, whether it was boy or a girl, let alone whether it was healthy..

The little gulping noises had finished and now there was silence. Leaning the baby forward again I began the burping experience again. Until finally the baby was settled in the car seat and we were moving again.

We carried on driving, for what felt like days, but could barely have been a few hours; since the baby didn't wake up again for a feed.

Now we'd finally stopped, I realised we were on a small road. On which there were about 20 houses in what looked like a complex.

"Right then Evelyn. Well here we are, well get all the stuff out of the car and into the house, then you'll have the visiting team in about 3 hours once you've had a chance to settle. Any questions you'd like to ask before we leave you to get settled?"

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