LIVING LIFE FOR THE BOTH OF US - JONGHYUN

Story # 10 - Me and your remaining wishes

Ah, me? 

I will continue to think about your departure, perhaps for much longer than I currently envision 😊. 

Isn't it strange? That I could start to feel this sense of connection to you and to your art after you had left? You are characteristically beautiful. Your songs are heart-movingly beautiful. Your voice is soul-touchingly beautiful. So, I just want to appreciate you. 

There have been more, and there will be many more, late-comers like me. They will surely come to appreciate your art. Your Blingers will continue to remember you for a long, long, long time.

I usually (all the times thus far) have the ability judge a person's character accurately. Even though you and I can be considered as peers, I have lived in different places, met different people, and encountered various circumstances. So, I could say that I am more experienced in reading people than you are. The fact that I recognized your genuineness, your decency, and your talents after just one performance, even after you had left, speaks highly of the person you were (still "are" to me). So, please, don't be filled with regrets. Feel proud that you lived well. Feel content that you did well. Feel confident that you are loved. 

Ah, your GIF makes me feel dizzy!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Thanks, but no thanks. I don't need you to leave any words for me. I have heard enough and understand your wishes. I will live well, live inspiringly, live beautifully. For myself, for my beloved, for our society, and also for your stead.

I understand you, Jjong. I know that you did not want to leave. I know that you were "calling out" for attention when you were revving your car up and down the street in front of that convenient store. You were bellowing desperately, for help. Some people heard you but they did not understand you, regretfully. That's why I feel this sharp pain whenever I think of your departure. You did not want to give up! Not at all! Just sitting here right now, I could picture the look in your eyes, under that dark skullcap and that black oversized hooded down jacket. Your mind was subdued but your willpower was still flickering. That's why you went out of your hideout, bought a pack of cigarettes, a fizzy drink, and snacks. That's why you were stepping on the accelerator and braking so hard to make noise. Your will to live was "silently" commanding your body to revolt, so strongly, so stoically. You needed the nicotine to sustain your lucidity. You wanted to consume some sweets to cheer yourself up. Thus, you must have been so hurt and disheartened because nobody "heard" your cries. Ahhhhh, this kind of pain is so agonizing. If only your condition was more widely known, if only those bystanders and passersby were able to discern your irrational behaviors. You would have been saved, then. And I would be so grateful if you had remained safe in return for my not hearing your name and not learning about your beautiful art. I will gladly trade it any time. 

I understand you, Jjong. I really do. That's why I know you still have many things left to say, especially in regard to how people should view your departure. But before you start, I want you to know that devoted Blingers, Shawols, Selene and many like her, AndyBlue*heart* and many like her, your SHINee brothers, your sister, your mother, and your other friends will always remember you, love you, and appreciate you for who you are. You will always be a bright star forever shining in their hearts.