The Need to Become Fearless

"Always do what you are afraid to do."

It's weird how fast a couple of years can go by when you're focusing on getting better. Mark and I have been cheering each other on at every little victory and comforting every setback. He swims now. Granted not like a fish but we're working on it. Later in the year we plan on flying out for him to meet my family in Ireland.

Jesus, it's shocking to even think about me flying anywhere. It was with a whole lot of liquor that I got to the US in the first place. My family already adores Mark for doing so much for me to finally return home.

"So just to keep everyone in the loop Jack and I won't be here for next week's meeting. Jennifer has been kind enough to take over while we head out to California."

There are some sounds of general interest as we both get smiled at by the crowd. Jennifer looks embarrassed, but overall proud of being picked to lead for the next week.

"We're going to Disney!" I blurt out like an excited little boy, but I can't help it. This has been such a long time coming. So much work has gone in to this trip, and I finally feel like I'm ready. Mark promises that it will be fine, and I believe him. I'm not nervous. I'm just so happy to be able to go with him for once.

"Yes," he laughs, "We're going to Disney. On a plane. This is Jack's first plane ride in years and years. I'm very proud of him. And you'll all be very happy to hear that I'll be swimming in the ocean while I'm there. Jack promises to fight off any sharks that try to attack." The group chuckles and give a few small claps of congratulations.

"And I'm proud of you," I tell him sincerely. "And yes, no shark will come within a mile radius with ole Jackieboy there to protect him."

The next few days were full of keeping me from not backing out of the Disney trip. My mind is all over the place jumping from a kind of uncontrollable excitement to an almost a crippling fear. Mark is who is able to keep me moving forward. He would kiss me when I would get scared, and even sang both parts of "Whole New World" one night when I had a nightmare about the plane falling out the sky.

I didn't think that he could get any more perfect, yet here he was, falsetto voice and all, serenading me back to sleep.

On the day of of flight, I don't think that I let go of his hand once until we were in the air. A lesser person would have complained about the death grip I had on his fingers. . I'm pretty sure I broke his pinky, but he just smiled and told me that I'm doing great.

"Is there alcohol on here? Like whiskey? Vodka? I'll even settle for a beer or... twelve," I ask him as I look around wildly for any type of liquid courage.

"Babe, no. You're fine. This is nice. Just the two of us back here, it's a beautiful, clear day. This is perfect flying weather. And you were so excited for this. You're doing perfectly, just breathe," the smooth voice comforts me in my panicked state, but it's just not enough. The height, the noises... the view. It's just... chill inducing.

Mark looks out the window in awe of the landscape below him. He's talks a lot about being amazed by the views, and it's obvious that it's true.

"You should look... if you feel comfortable enough. It's so pretty, Jack. You should experience this with me."

It's a hard move to make it over to the window to where he is sitting. I'm shocked I made it through the take off without fainting dead away. I did do a fair amount of screaming, but even then he didn't complain at all.

I slowly move to the other side of the plane to where he's sitting. If I could just calm down enough I'd be impressed by the cabin area. The place was huge with large comfortable seats, and a full surround sound set up. He even got a couple of his pilot friends to take us there and back. He's wonderful, and the plane is gorgeous. I need to just breathe a bit more and enjoy it.

He looks somewhat startled when I climb onto his lap, but fuck it, I'm scared. Chuckling as he wraps his arms around me, I feel so much better and safer than before.

"If you tell anyone about me cuddling you like this," I mutter, "I'll deny it."

"I promise only if you look out the window," he replies, giving me a winning smile.

I groan as I look into the handsome face. It's wrong to use his face as a weapon of love against me.

"Fine, you jerk. But if I start to panic you need to be willing to calm me down."

He nods that he agrees and I take a deep breath and look out the window. My heart already is racing at the amount of clouds flying by, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I'm actually not freaking out. I'm doing it.

"I'm doing it," I say out loud, and he laughs again.

"You are. Proud of you, babe."

I lean in and kiss him like I'll never kiss anyone again. Screw the fact that we are in a fancy tube of death. He's here, and that's all that matters now. Can I love him any more than this? It's possible, but having sex on the plane would probably be frowned upon.

Once I deal with the landing we head toward me what I've been wanting to do since I got to the States. Disney Land is more wonderful than I imagined, and I can't stop holding his hand again. We made it. We actually made it. Our fears are still there but we are able to deal with them.

The best part is the fireworks that happen at night, and we're standing alone near a few trees and watching them together. It's only when he tugs at the bottom of my shirt that I realize that he's on one knee, with a ring in his hand.

"Jack," he whispers. "Would you give me the honor of helping me to feel braver for the rest of my life?"

I don't remember anything but hugging him and crying, but I must have said yes. The ring fit me perfectly, and under the brightly colored sky we were never so unafraid than in that moment.