Dirty Thoughts

Part 3

I didn't say a word to him for most of the drive back to the compound. Usually, I'm not quick to anger–-or likely to hold a grudge–-but in this case, I was furious.

At first I didn't understand exactly why, but as I drove I kept getting angrier and angrier, and finally, I had to admit it to myself.

I liked Loki. I mean, really liked him. I'd sublimated it because of work, and the fact that he was an actual extraterrestrial, and a God , and because he was blatant about his disdain for human beings and...half a dozen other perfectly valid things, but... shit. I really liked him. And the way he'd treated me fucking hurt –-because I understood now, it had been a game to him. A game and nothing more. He had no respect for me because I was human.

He'd taken advantage of me at the very first goddamned opportunity, because he'd been cooped up at the Avengers compound for months on end, and I was an easy target–-his only available target–-and I had let him take advantage, proving myself the idiot, inferior human plaything he so clearly believed I was.

Had I secretly wanted him to–-even naively believed he could -–see me as different from the rest of humanity? Yes. Dammit, yes. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I had thought we were friends.

Fucking idiot me.

And I'd let him kiss me. Let myself believe for just a moment that he might have actual feelings for me. That I was special to him, at least in some small way.

Dumb, dumb, dumb!

Truth was, I was more mad at myself than I was at Loki. I'd made a complete fool of myself.

I was definitely still mad at him, though.

"You are disturbingly quiet," he said, after about ten minutes of icy silence in the car.

I couldn't conjure a response that wasn't petty or otherwise inflammatory, so I said nothing.

"Is this the proverbial silent treatment?" he added a moment later, voice dripping amusement.

"I know you don't actually think this is funny," I replied bluntly. "You just alienated your one real ally on this stupid, inferior planet, and you're smart enough to regret it."

He chuckled. "You may want to consider the possibility that you're overreacting to a simple episode of playful dalliance."

My temper flared dangerously and I literally bit my tongue to stop myself from tearing into him.

My silence seemed to cause him some discomfort, which I shamelessly relished.

"I intended no insult," he said finally, but he said it as though my having taken insult was both idiotic and boring to him.

"Well insult me you did," I snapped. "Along with the rest of my race. But don't worry about it, because you won't get another opportunity like that."

Silence. And then, as we pulled onto the road that led to the back entrance of Stark Tower, he said, "You mean the kissing."

"You're damned right I mean the kissing. I may be human, Loki, but I'm not an idiot." We pulled up to the gate and I flashed my badge at the guard, who nodded us through as the gate rolled open. "Or maybe I am."

"Can you clarify that statement?" he asked, with obvious irritation.

I drove the car into the employee parking lot, pulled into my space, threw the car into park and twisted in my seat to give the God of Mischief my full attention.

The words came spilling out like a barrage.

"You want clarification? Fine. I'm pissed because you sexually manipulated me for your own entertainment. Where I come from, that's considered really fucked up. But more than that, I'm pissed that I fell for it because I'm smarter than that. But unfortunately, I also honestly fucking like you, and I stupidly allowed that to cloud my judgement, and now here we are, and it isn't fun anymore because I feel totally fucking stupid and humiliated, and I can't trust you, which I knew from the start anyway, so why did I even give you a chance? And why am I even telling you this, because you don't give a shit about me, I'm just a lowly fucking human, who–-I might remind you–-is in direct control of your future on this pathetic little planet, and I might be a good liar but I'm an honest person who suffers from an excess of human compassion, so as much as I want you to be happy, if you ever fuck with me like that again I will throw you under the bus so fast you won't even know what hit you."