Confessions Of A Bachelorette

chapter 18

2 Days Later 

“I’m sorry Lea but you are too attached and you know we can’t have that. Maybe you need some time off.” 

“What?! No you can’t send me home, not yet I just…I need to be here, please.” I’m begging my boss right now. I know not pretty but what the fuck else am I supposed to do? Go home and think about Cory with another girl?! I know I don’t really know what’s going on, but why would he have a girl at his place so late? 

“Lea, I will allow you to stay but the baby will not be part of your rounds. So you can only be in there during visiting hours, after that you need to leave is that understood?” 

“Yes, I understand. Thank you.” I get up and walk out of his office feeling slightly less stressed. 

I want to go see him, I’ve named him Andrew and I just really hope that his mother gets to see him. 

“Lea.” Shit! Fuck me! Damn it! 

“Hi bro!” It’s not that I don’t want to see him but he’s only here to lecture me, how do I know that you ask? Trust me I know my brother's many looks. Right now he has the, Lea your not taking care of yourself look. 

“Don’t hi bro me Lea. This is getting serious. Becca has been trying to call you for days and you haven’t returned her calls why?” He’s standing in front of me and I decide to step past him and walk down the hall to the lounge. I don’t want to have this discussion in front of everyone. 

“I’m busy, I’ll call her later.” 

“Not good enough Lea.” 

“Jon what do you want from me?!” 

“I want my sister back! Lea you are not eating, and don’t give me that look, I know you’re not and I know you haven’t slept because the bags under your eyes that form if you don’t get at least seven hours of sleep are very present right now.” Damn it! See what did I tell you about him knowing me so well? I throw myself down on the tacky red leather couch in the corner and try to figure out what is going on with me. 

“I know Jon, you’re right. But I just I feel so helpless and I…” 

“You’re using this situation, this baby to compensate for Cory. You can’t do that Lea. You are getting too attached.” What am I the only one who doesn’t think I am getting attached? Since this is the second person to tell me, I’ll take that as a yes. 

“I know I am but what am I supposed to do?” 

“Call him.” 

“I did twice! And he hasn’t returned my calls. He’s over me Jon, and why wouldn’t he be? I’m nothing special, I can’t do anything right. The one time in my life I had the opportunity of a lifetime to be in love and I blow it you know?” He comes and takes a seat beside me and wraps his arms around me. 

“Lea, you are coming down on yourself way too hard. I don’t think he’s not returning your calls on purpose; he can’t be that cruel Lea. Not from what you told me, and not from what I’ve seen.” 

“But he was with another girl.” Shit! Did I just say that?! I really need to learn to control my over zealous need to tell my brother everything. It gets me into so much trouble. 

“Another girl? What are you talking about?” I turn a teary gaze to him very confused one to explain. 

“The other day, I went to his house you know after we talked and just as I was going to get out of the car I saw a blonde get out and they both went into his house.” 

“So?” 

“So? Jon he brought a girl home. That means something.” 

“No Lea, it just means that you don’t know who the girl is and that you are jumping to conclusions.” Damn why does he always put things into perspective? See it was better thinking that something was actually going on, that way I wouldn’t feel so terrible; but he’s right. Why can’t I be right for once in my life? 

“I know, you’re right. But I can’t do anything about that right now. I have to go check on the baby’s mother she’s not…” 

“Lea?” One of the other nurses peaks her head into the lounge and I can see the distressed look on her face. 

“What is it? What’s wrong?” She drops her head. 

“I’m sorry Lea, she didn’t make it.” 

“No!” I run out of the lounge with Jon chasing after me but I don’t stop I have to see it for myself. 

“Lea you have to leave. She’s gone.” The doctor working on her in the operating room is pushing me out. 

“Tell me it’s not true. Tell me she will get to see her baby at least once. 
Tell me she’ll get to hold him for just a moment…but don’t tell me she’s gone. She can’t be it’s just…it’s not fair!” I back away from him and he just tells me he’s sorry. I finally stop when I hit the wall behind me and crumble to the ground. I can’t stop the tears from falling. I don’t know how long I’m sitting here on the cold tiled floor for; but it feels like forever. 

I now realize that in all the years of working here, this is the first case that I’ve ever gotten too involved with. Jon was right more than he knew; I am using this to compensate for not having… 

“Lea.” I whip my head around and swipe my eyes repeatedly because I must be losing my mind because at the other end of the hall is the last person I expected to see. 

“Cory?” I stand up slowly still not believing my eyes. He walks over to me and once he’s almost in front of me I run up to him and jump up into his arms. 

“Cory!” I hold him so tightly and just cry. I don’t know why he’s here; I don’t even care right now. All I know is that he’s here and he’s holding me; I hope to God he never lets me go.