Deeper Than Desire

Libby

"From now on, he shall be known as Dickhead," Ally announces as she gets out of her car, Laurel hot behind her. The statement is so solemn and so matter-of-fact and so appropriate, I actually laugh.

"I'm serious," she adds, slamming her door way harder than necessary. With her skinny jeans and vintage band T-shirt under a black Alexander McQueen blazer, Ally looks furious and ready to do something about it, but Laurel still looks half-asleep in gray yoga pants and a slouchy top that keeps sliding off her shoulder.

Actually, I think, she looks like Ally dragged her out of bed.

Which is entirely possible. It's just after nine in the morning, which if you ask Laurel, is pretty much the middle of the night.

They cross the stable yard and I fall into their arms, everyone hugging. It feels like it's been years since I've seen them, which is ridiculous and dramatic of me, but I can't seem to shake the feeling. After Finn disappeared and wouldn't take my phone calls, I couldn't hang around my apartment. It felt too...I'm-sitting-around-and-waiting-for-him. Which, yeah, I know it isn't a feeling you could look up in the dictionary, but it was real enough to make me pack and overnight bag and head to my parents.

I've been crashing with them for almost a week now and the girls had had enough.

"We're coming down," Ally had said a little over an hour ago. "I'm on my way to get Laurel."

"Don't come down," I'd said. "I'm crappy company and..."

"And he broke your heart."

The statement had stopped me dead. I'd opened my mouth, closed it, opened it again. "Something like that."

It was exactly like that and as soon as I realized it and knew that my best friends were coming, it started to feel...well...not better, but different. My parents' place is a small horse farm about thirty minutes south of Atlanta and even though the girls have met me here plenty of times before, today felt like an eternity. They couldn't get here fast enough.

But now that they're here, I feel like I might burst into tears and I can tell they can tell. Laurel pulls me into another tight hug. "I'm so sorry, honey."

My ears burn. I know she's genuinely sorry and there isn't a smidge of 'I told you so' in her, but I still feel it. Or maybe it's just me. I'm blaming myself. I should've known better. I should never have slept with him.

I should never have believed him. Everything he said—all those things that made me feel like I was wonderful—was a lie.

Laurel pulls back and wrinkles her nose. "You smell like horse."

"Well, I did just come up from tossing them hay so..." I pan both hands in a 'what can you do?' expression. I didn't just toss hay though. I prepped their dinners, swept out the tack room, and washed saddle pads that were already clean. Basically, I've been keeping myself busy and I still can't stop thinking about Finn.

One of the stable doors swings open and my dad wanders out. He has a home office on the second floor and often goes there to work or to think. But I'd been in the stable all morning and hadn't even known he was there.

"Hey, Mr. Bray!" Laurel says, waving.

My dad jerks, swinging around to face us like he didn't even realize we were there. There are dark shadows under his eyes and his face looks thinner than usual, like he's been sick, but when he smiles at us, it's like he's back to normal.

"Hello, dear." He lifts one hand in a half-hearted wave and wanders toward the house. Everything seems fine until I realize he's still wearing yesterday's clothes.