Deeper Than Desire

Libby

Do not panic, I tell myself as unease squeezes my chest tight. It isn't exactly lying to you. It's...not being entirely honest. No. It's...omitting important details. I frown, picking at my napkin. Omitting important details isn't any better so it's better to call it...

Okay, fine, it's lying. He isn't being honest with me.

My chest squeezes tighter. "Get a grip," I mutter and it actually kind of sort of helps. I need to think logically here. We've always told each other everything so Finn not telling me what's going on means one of two things:

One, we're getting weird with each other. Feelings and, uh, body parts have come out and now it's awkward.

Or, two, he's never been entirely honest with me about his dad.

Or maybe—and I guess this makes it three things—stuff is just getting worse with his dad and he doesn't know how he feels about it and...

"And you're overthinking the whole thing," I whisper to myself. Apparently, overthinking also requires talking to myself. I take a ferocious bite of salsa and chips and watch Finn turn in tighter and tighter circles as he talks. It's his dad. Has to be.

Deep inside my bag, my phone chirps. I fish it out and check the screen. A picture of Ally duck-facing stares up at me. Grinning, I thumb the answer button. "Are you checking up on me?" I tease.

She laughs. "Guilty. Laurel and I want to know how it's going."

From the other end, I can hear Laurel cheering and now I'm laughing too. Finn pauses in his pacing and glances questioningly at me. I point to my cell. "Ally," I mouth.

He nods, returning to his circles and whoever he's talking to. I slouch back against my chair and close my eyes, enjoying the warm sunshine on my face and the rushing sound of water from the fountain. "What I told you it's going terribly?"

"I would start looking for a place to hide his body and Laurel would get the shovels."

I laugh harder. It's a bit gruesome, but it's funny too. The idea of the three of us digging a grave is ridiculous. "I can't even do proper push-ups and you think I can dig a six-foot hole?" I ask her.

"Hmm. Yeah. I see your point. I'll have to think of another way to get rid of him—which I guess I do? Need to get rid of him, I mean?"

"Nope." I sit up, heart swinging like a pendant on a string. "Ally, he feels the same way about me."

"I knew it. I absolutely knew it." She leans away from the phone and her voice goes faraway as she says to Laurel, "He loves her too. Pay up."

"Hey!" I'm torn between outrage and laughing. "You had a bet on whether or not I was going to get my heart broken?"

"Lord, no." Ally's fully back now, but I can still hear Laurel muttering. "We were almost entirely one hundred percent positive he was in love with you too."

"So 'almost entirely one hundred percent positive' you took a bet on whether he felt the same?"

"Again, no. We were betting on whether you two were going to jump each other. Laurel thought you would wait. I said no way."

My eyes bug. I pick at my bare knee...my napkin...and finally pluck a bit of honeysuckle from the overflowing pots crammed around the fountain. I spin it back and forth in my fingers. "How do you know we messed around?!"

"I can hear it in your voice." She laughs like this is the funniest thing ever. "You're all...sunny."

"I'm always sunny."