Secrets Aren't Made Slowly

You've Seen This Movie Before

    "What are you doing here?" Sherlock challenged once more, crossing his arms so that Victor couldn't try to take his hand or anything unnecessarily intimate like that. Victor simply chuckled, his blue eyes scanning Sherlock up and down as if wondering just how long it would be until he would have Sherlock once more. And yet he was going to have to wait, for at the moment Sherlock wasn't in the mood for any more purchases. In fact, Sherlock would have to cough up the money necessary somehow, because he really shouldn't be seeing Victor on the side of his first real relationship. And yet drugs didn't seem to be the reason Victor was here, for he hadn't brought his little box he kept them all in, he seemed to be here on the pretenses of watching some sort of movie, of the TV was flickering different colors all while Janine was gaping in horror. Sherlock continued to hear voices, two voices that he just knew he knew from somewhere! They sounded all too familiar, eerily familiar in fact.
"Well I'm just here on a public service announcement, really, all for your sake of course. I've got something that might interest you, something that, well, might come in handy. For me of course, oh don't think I've come all the way over here just to make your day better." Victor said with a laugh, patting Sherlock on the shoulder as if they were best friends all the while Sherlock stood scowling at him. It was times like these that Sherlock really hated this man. He was just so obnoxious, with his swooping hair and his beautiful eyes, oh what a tragedy it was to see all that beauty go to waste! To be honest if Victor wasn't such a horrible person they might have made a good couple, however since that man was absolute garbage and Sherlock was (for the most part) mentally stable, he would try to keep his distance.
"Sherlock you look afraid, oh don't be scared, this doesn't have to mean anything just yet. Come here Sherlock, come watch. I think my favorite part is actually coming up, oh yes we are quite close! Come on, sit down, I'm quite sure you've seen this movie before." Victor laughed, and together they both cast their eyes on Janine, who was still sitting looking a little bit shell shocked as she stared at the screen before her. Sherlock felt his stomach twisting apprehensively, for some reason he knew that he didn't want to see what waited for him on that screen. It couldn't be good, anything that made Victor this cheerful had just no chance at being socially acceptable, and nevertheless Sherlock started for the couch, watching as his wife just finally noticed he was there.
"Oh Sherlock...Sherlock how could you ever?" Janine whispered, and it was finally evident now that she hadn't just been staring, but crying as well. There were tears streaking down her face in perfect lines, her eyes welling up into small pools and her hands clutching at her cheeks so agressivley that there were imprints from her fingernails. It was then that Sherlock recognized the voice; finally he was able to identify it! Just as he was staring at his wife, his broken wife, and listening to Victor chuckle behind him, well of course he knew that voice. It was his own.
"You seem to be preoccupied with something." It said, the volume turned up just enough so that Sherlock could hear every quiver in his voice, the words that he had said not two nights ago, the very words that were fresh off his own tongue. His fists clenched, and suddenly Sherlock felt unable to breathe, he felt unable to even turn towards the screen now that he knew what it was about to play. Victor was laughing once more; he seemed to find this quite funny.
"Sit down Sherlock, enjoy the show! Like I said before, my favorite part is coming up." Victor giggled. Janine began to cry again, although her sobs were muffled enough so that Sherlock could hear John's voice, not a couple of moments later...
"Distracted with what?" John's voice asked, that familiar voice that Sherlock had just had the pleasure of listening to not hours before.
"You can't...how could..." Sherlock just shook his head, for he knew that his questions were not going to be answered. He knew that he was helpless in this situation, he knew that everything he tried to do to stop this was futile, he knew that anything he tried to do to block the screen would be a guilty act of shame, he knew that anything he said or did now would be undoubtedly held against him. And so what was he supposed to do except watch? What could he only do, relive the past for a while, or rather get the past spoon fed to you in the most agonizing ways, choking on the past, on the memories he had once considered beautiful.
"Oh this is wonderful, Sherlock it's so nice to see you legitimately in love. Why do you never get so romantic with me, huh?" Victor wondered with a little chuckle, all while Sherlock sat down on the couch heavily, sitting between his two companions and cradling his head in his hands miserably, hiding from the things he knew were coming, trying to block out the visions and sounds he didn't want to hear. And all the while he could keep his head down, however Victor tried to keep Sherlock's ears open, simply because he wanted to talk through the show.
"Could I ask for everything?" asked the pixilated John on the screen, the one that Sherlock had not yet gotten a good glimpse at. In fact he hadn't looked at the screen at all, he didn't want to see the finalized product, he didn't want to see just how wrong it was from this sort of perspective. It all sort of made sense, now more than ever, the meddling that was happening in his classroom on Tuesday. There was no textbook, but there had been a video camera, hadn't there? In the back closet? Oh how could Sherlock be so stupid as to not check! Hadn't he anticipated this would happen, hadn't he been able to realize that the only good thing in his life would be spoiled because of his own neglect?
"Are you afraid?" The Sherlock on the TV whispered, long after Janine had burst into even more noisy tears, trying to turn her head away from the screen while Victor insisted she watched, for as he claimed, this was the best part. And it was, or at least it had been, and yet now it was the worst. It was the condemning evidence; it was the very part of this film that Sherlock didn't want anyone to see. Oh this was supposed to be private; this was supposed to be intimate! Love was not supposed to be shared on a screen, that defeated the whole point, it was love purely for the eyes and experience of two, not a whole crowd! Oh if Sherlock could relive Monday now, if he had only noticed that as he worked the shirt off of John's shoulders that Victor would be laughing, watching it all and laughing hysterically to himself. He thought it was great fun, did he not, as the talking quickly turned into breathing. He thought it was the purest form of entertainment when John was able to grab at Sherlock's forearms; he loved it when their lips touched skin, when their legs intermingled and their chests brushed all too closely. But it wasn't for him, they weren't loving each other for Victor's entertainment, this wasn't supposed to happen again! This wasn't meant for anyone else; this was supposed to be private! And yet now it was eternalized, the words they had said, the things they had done, all the things they expected would be kept secret for life, well they were immortalized and in the hands of Victor Trevor! And soon Janine wasn't the only one crying, Sherlock could hear Victor laughing, he could feel his arms wrapping around his shoulders, embracing Sherlock from behind and whispering things into his ear, things that Sherlock didn't want to hear. He could hear the horrible sounds of the papers being flung to the ground, the stapler hitting the floor and bursting open into a mess of springs, he could feel the desk shifting as the weight was readjusted if only for a moment. Janine gave a great gasp of horror, and thankfully her sobs were able to drown out whatever noises Sherlock didn't want to hear from the TV. It was an overwhelming feeling of helplessness; it was almost as if Sherlock was finally understanding his position in this matter. It was no longer for love that he was with John Watson, no it could never be for love at this point. Not when their love was not shared by two, but by four, by eight, by how many other people had seen this video and had a good laugh! It wasn't their own, it was everyone's, it wasn't a secret anymore! Sherlock could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks, he could feel them sticking against his cheeks and falling down his jawbone, he could feel the misery starting to overcome his heart. And he could still hear Victor laughing; this was his idea of a joke, was it not?
"Oh Sherlock, Sherlock this is just too good." Victor whispered, kissing the back of Sherlock's neck all while the man stayed nearly paralyzed, with his head hanging into his hands so as to block anything the screen might be trying to offer him. Janine couldn't look away, no matter how much she wanted to. Sherlock simply shook his head, as if denying his situation was going to make it all just go away. And yet it wouldn't just leave, it wouldn't go away for Victor was smarter than that! This wouldn't be the only tape; this wouldn't be the only copy! This video was undoubtedly being saved on multiple flash drives in the hands of multiple untrustworthy people. He was probably selling it along with his drugs, or sharing it online just to wreak havoc on Sherlock's love life! This was more than just a catastrophe; it was more than just a disaster. It was the end, he could see that now.
"You are in so much trouble...my dear." Victor whispered. And Sherlock hated agreeing with him, he really did. And yet this time he was absolutely right.
"What are you going to do...what...why do you have this?" Sherlock breathed, nearly pulling at the skin around his eyes as he tried to prevent them from opening, from looking at the screen. Victor's arms were still around him, and yet Sherlock could do nothing to push them away. He was trapped in this man's embrace; he was trapped not only physically but mentally as well. As long as Victor held onto that tape every part of Sherlock belonged to him, not just his body but his freedom, his soul, his heart and his love, he would be controlled by Victor like a puppet on strings, oh how could he have let this happen?
"I have this for professional reasons, Sherlock, very professional. It's my safeguard, you see, if you should do anything that offends me. Now Sherlock I'm not going to ask much of you, not much at all. Nothing you haven't done to me a million times." Victor chuckled.
"You can't...no I won't! I won't, I love him Victor, I can't be with you now, not when I've finally found someone...." Sherlock jumped from the couch in a spring of emotion, worming out of Victor's grip if only for a moment and leaping over the carpet in a bout of fear.
"No Sherlock, no nothing physical. Although I'm tempted I just, well it would be wrong. It wouldn't be genuine!" Victor exclaimed.
"It's never been genuine, I never loved you Victor, you know that!" Sherlock growled.
"Oh my dear Sherlock, I do know that of course. I do. And yet that's precisely what I'm asking you to do, for your own sake Sherlock, for your own good...I think you need to leave him." Victor decided with a little smile, shrugging as if he was really looking out for Sherlock's own good. The man could only turn away, hiding his face away, trying to ignore the sounds of Janine crying, trying to ignore the sounds on the TV, the voices that had started up again. So the worst part was over.
"I won't leave him; no you can't make me leave him! Victor you were the one that told me I loved him, now why all the sudden are you making..."
"Because he's a student! Oh Sherlock don't you understand, it was only too easy to figure this out, only too easy. Now what if someone else figures it out, wonder if the police come for you? Because they will come, our dear Mr. Watson is still seventeen you know, a minor. That's illegal, if you didn't know." Victor pointed out with a small smile. Sherlock still couldn't look, however, he kept his eyes fixed on the curtained windows before him, his heart snapping up into little fragments as his tears welled up again, flowing over the brims of his eyes like a torrent that simply couldn't be controlled. This was getting to him more than he thought it ever would, this was more pain, more emotion, than Sherlock had ever felt before. And he couldn't correct them, not now, because if Victor found out John's profession then he would know well enough to run. And beyond anything Sherlock wanted to see this man imprisoned.
"Let me wait a year, Victor I'm just asking..."
"No no, Sherlock you're missing the point. If you get caught now then they'll find me, they'll find Janine, and all the rest of my clients, I'll be ruined, killed even, even if I do escape my drug lord will not be happy. No, if I don't get arrested I'll die. Can't you see why I can't let that happen? Can't you see why this is all just so...crucial?" Victor whispered. Sherlock could feel him gaining ground, he couldn't hear his footsteps nor could he hear his breath, and yet the hairs on the back of Sherlock's neck were tingling with fear, they noticed that there was a threat lurking nearby.
"I won't leave him. You can do whatever you like with me, Victor I don't care, but you can't make me leave someone that I've fallen in love with. The only man I've ever fallen in love with!" Sherlock growled.
"But he's not a man, he's a child don't you see, still a child!" Victor exclaimed, and there he was, his arms were now around Sherlock's neck again, he was breathing heavily into Sherlock's neck and brushing his nose against the base of Sherlock's hairline, almost as if that was supposed to be some sort of sign of affection. It nauseated Sherlock, to say the least, it made him want to rip away and defend himself in some way and yet he knew he was out of his depths for this one. There was nothing he could do to protect himself anymore, not when he was just so exposed...
"Don't you understand what will happen to you if you don't obey me? Because I will release this tape, I don't care to who I release it to, first I can start small, first I can share it with those who won't share it to any administration. Those who would like to protect you both. I can show your parents, your brother, I can show John's parents, I can show Mrs. Hudson, downstairs. Poor Mrs. Hudson, oh how heartbroken she'd be if she saw her dearest tenant, practically her son, doing such horrible things to a minor!" Victor murmured in a falsely sympathetic voice, as if he was trying to make it seem like this was somehow all Sherlock's fault. But it wasn't, he couldn't believe just how Victor had played him! He saw the love growing between the two, and instead of forbidding it then he decided to utilize it, he wanted to use it to his advantage, to tighten the leash he had already fixed around Sherlock's neck! This was all Victor's fault, the entire affair, the video tape, the hearts that would break because of it...everything.
"And then I will show it to the student body, or at least, my friends will. The students will talk about it; they'll show their friends, their neighbors, maybe even their parents. And with the parents will come the administration, and with the administration would come the police. And they'll arrest you, you'll go to prison for oh, maybe ten years? And yet when you're out you'll be put on a list, and that will keep you from getting a job, that will keep you from having a life. Janine will leave you, oh well she's already got one foot out the door as we speak, you'll be alone. And he won't be there for you; oh I can just promise you that. No boy is quite that loyal." Victor breathed. Sherlock closed his eyes, knowing that Victor's words were true to some extent. This could be prevented, he knew it could be, and that was simply by announcing John's secret to the world. It wasn't illegal once everyone realized his name, it wouldn't even be a problem once John and his team of police swooped in and arrested not only Victor but Jim, Irene, and whoever Victor's supplier was. He would clear his name and in doing so arrest those who were trying to taint it, it was Sherlock's saving grace! And yet Victor couldn't know that, oh he was always one step ahead and yet there was no way he couldn't worked that out by whatever dialogue he had gotten on that tape. He had made a mistake, he really did, and now it was time for him to pay.
"Alright." Sherlock muttered nervously, shivering his way from Victor and pulling his arms around himself tightly. Slowly he turned to face the man who stood just a couple of steps away, Victor who was smiling, Victor who was looking quite pleased with himself. He had dressed up for this occasion, he had his hair swooped and his clothes neat, almost as if he thought he was going to have to be visually appealing so as to seal this deal. And yet he was wrong, oh how wrong he was! Sherlock could almost laugh if he wasn't already halfway to tears, he could almost jump for joy. And yet he couldn't now, not until Victor left and whatever pounds of bricks he had stacked onto Sherlock's back were toppled back to the floor.
"Alright? Just like that then?" Victor said hopefully, looking very excited, as if this was somehow an impossible feat. As if he had thought this plan, whatever it was, would somehow fail to work.
"Yes alright, you've got me Victor, and I'm sure you're quite glad about that. You've got me, I'll tell him tomorrow..."
"Don't mention me, Sherlock my dear. Don't tell him anything about tonight, only tell him that it's just not working out, tell him that you're very sorry, and yet he's just not the one for you." Victor suggested.
"And who is the one for me, then? Do you think it's you?" Sherlock challenged.
"No of course not, I know very well that we are just not compatible by choice. And yet, well, things might change. We might not have a choice." Victor whispered. Sherlock gave a great shiver, his eyes finally meeting Victor's, watching as those greens sparkled.
"Please just leave." Sherlock pleaded, shaking his head and finally letting his eyes fall back behind his hands. There he let a couple of tears fall, for he was happy when they were secure, he didn't like when people saw just how human he really could be.
"Leave? Leave now?" Victor wondered with a little gasp, as if that was somehow insulting to him, as if he thought that his presence was legitimately being enjoyed.
"Yes Victor, leave. We don't want you here, you're just a monster. I'll break up with him tomorrow; I can't believe I have to but...well just get out!" Sherlock exclaimed, pointing rather agressivley to the door so as to make it quite clear in what direction he wanted Victor to start walking. The man just laughed, as if he found Sherlock's sudden aggression to be quite adorable.
"Well alright then, I will leave." Victor decided with a huff, walking over to the couch only to retrieve his jacket, draping it over his shoulder and staring with a smile at the screen. There were no voices anymore, and so Sherlock guessed that it showed him sitting at his desk and smiling to himself or it showed nothing, for this might be the time when Sherlock had finally left. Maybe the screen showed total darkness, who knows? Sherlock watched Victor nervously, still standing well enough behind the TV so that he didn't even have the risk of accidently peering and seeing himself trapped in those pixels.
"You can just keep that copy, I've got plenty more. I know that you might get...interested, later on. When you don't have him anymore, I mean." Victor muttered, smiling rather harshly before nodding his farewells and starting for the door, leaving the two standing in the room in total silence, nothing moving except the tears that were steadily rolling down their faces.