Safer to hate her...

I paused, my step faltering for just a mili second, I hated the attention I got, I hated the way I looked and I hated myself. I knew deep down people didn’t look at me because I was insanely hot but thankfully it wasn’t because I was fat and ugly either…

I was just different. 

I lived in a small, close knit town, where everyone knew everyone else’s business and where no secret or hidden past could stay hidden for long.

Although they were never spoken or actually enforced there were certain rules in my town.

Rules that were not made to ever be broken.

The girls all had to be beautiful, model like and walk and talk like proper ladies.  The guys were born to be athletes, strong, handsome and charming. 

 My town was a vision of perfection, everyone was blue eyed and blond haired, had perfect manners and were either rich or famous. Everyone that is except for me…

My choppy black hair was as dark as the midnight sky and my vivid green eyes shone like emeralds against my pale almost ghostly face. My rough, chiseled jaw line was classed as unnatural compared to the baby faced boys around me.  I was just as tall as the other guys in my village but my muscles were less defined and I couldn’t catch a ball to save my life. 

My clothes certainly didn’t conform to society either. Rather than the loose baggy jeans and tight wife beaters my fellow male students chose to wear, my outfit consisted of black skinny jeans a plain black T-shirt and a slightly worn but much loved leather jacket. 

The jacket meant more to me than anything else I owned, it was the one and only thing I had of my dad’s everything else had been lost in the fire, including my dad himself. 

I chocked back a sob.

Boys don’t cry.

I reminded myself of this and continued walking my feet pounding heavily on the ground.

Ever since my dad had died in that stupid fire I had shut down my emotions completely. Crying would do nothing except give me a fucking awful headache the next day and it certainly wouldn’t bring my dad back to life. 

The frown that had been forming on my face immediately darkened as I reached the last house on Cherry blossom Avenue.

Even the street names were ridiculously happy and sweet. Personally it made me feel sick. Then again maybe that was the fact I hadn’t eaten for the last 2 days. Eating was another thing I found completely pointless nowadays, if Jesus or whoever it was could survive without food and water for 40 days so could I.

It just wasted time anyway.

I walked up the beautifully laid path deliberately kicking as many plants as I could as I went. I hated this house so I figured as I might as well hate the garden too, why should we pretend that everything in life is beautiful when it’s bloody obvious it’s not. 

“Sam, is that you?” A high pitched women’s voice cried out. Her pitch was so high I felt as if my eardrums had burst. 

“No its a burglar.” I answered the sarcasm dripping from my tongue like sweet, sticky honey. I abruptly shut her up as I stormed past her and upstairs into my room.

Truthfully I did feel a bit guilty afterwards but I wasn’t in the mood for one of her heart to hearts today.

The again, I sighed, was I ever.

As soon as I sank down onto my bed heavy hands began pounding at my door. 

I ignored them and reached over to plug my I-pod in, I couldn’t deal with any of this right now.