I love my dead gay son - Romeo and Juliet AU

1.5 --- Just a wee bit awkward

As dudes and dudesses began to arrive, the kitchens below the Capulet mansion and the party hall itself were thrown even further into disarray. As servants hurried and flurried and worried, Peter tried to turn all that hurrying and flurrying into order, with more than a little worrying of his own.

"Potpan! Scrubbing time for the plates, get to! C'mon, guys, move the stools and shit, people are trying to dance here! Get a move on!". Similar commands were repeated ad infinitum. Eventually, however, the rest of the men were bored of trying to care, so they finished what they were doing and left to try and have fun around the edges of the ballroom where the party was taking place, as well as taking aside more than a little of the food filling up the great tables for themselves. They didn't get stuff like this every day.

Barely ten seconds after they had dispersed into the hall filled with flickering torches and hot, sweaty bodies, Capulet and others of his house came upon Romeo and his friends. The lord wasn't even trying to hide who he was, even though that was the point of his party. Instead, he was constantly chuckling in what he thought was a hearty fashion, as he welcomed guests and introduced people like a social butterfly in a whirlpool that had no idea of its impending demise.

"Welcome, gentlemen! This you may know, but if a lady isn't plagued with corns," (suffice to say, corns are painful and on your feet), "she is ready to dance! Musicians, play your tunes, and ladies, shake or break a leg!" With that, he disappeared further into the whirlpool. Soon, he found his cousin, and implored him to sit, as "Our legs are too old to dance like young bucks,", apparently. "How long has it been since we hid our faces like so?"

His cousin smiled, but it was a hollow gesture. "At least three decades, I would surmise."

"No! it has been only twenty-five years. The last time was Lucentio's wedding!"

Capulet and his cousin continued to argue/debate/insert verb here, while Romeo was starting to listen to Benvolio's advice. For just one moment, he saw someone from across the room, almost shimmering in the hazy air stuffed with the smells of wine and food, but then partygoers came together again, and he couldn't see her. Forgetting about Rosaline like the devil-may-care bro he was, he grabbed one of the servant's arms. As soon as he had his attention, he whispered, "Hey, bruh, who's that girl in the corner? The one who's, like, brighter than a torch?"

The servant was rubbing his arm, annoyed, where Romeo had grabbed it, but he knew he couldn't deny a guest, or Capadude would have his head. "That girl? She's Juliet, Capulet's kid. She's like, 13, bruh."

Romeo was staring, moving his head to get an actual line of sight between the countless peeps for just a few seconds, then having to move it again. "Jfc, she's pretty. She'd be way too pretty to die. Maybe even Death has a crush on her. She's a fricking jewel, you feel me?"

With that, he darted through a gap between two women and towards her, while the servant he had talked to muttered something about pervs and continued serving. At some point on the way Romeo saw Mercutio, entertaining what looked like a drag king, tossing his vibrant wig about between them, but he ignored him. He was either too stupid to talk to him first or too desperate to reach Juliet, and just ploughed on through the crowd.

As soon as he reached her, he took her hand. It was warmer and rougher than he had expected, but he didn't stop to think about it. He just barely murmured about his insane desire to see her beauty before he stooped and kissed her through the mask. What he could feel of her lips was too rough as well, but still he didn't care. He only stepped back when she punched him hard in the jaw.

Aghast, he stared at her, before he realised. Juliet was... not a dudesse? The bruh he had just managed to kiss had the same brown hair in a ponytail, and the same high cheekbones peeking out from behind the same style of turquoise mask, but that was it. And now Romeo's jaw reaaaaally hurt.

Then again, this dude was pretty hot.

"Bruh, hi. I'm-"

The dude was not impressed. "Excusez moi, you're a Montague. I can recognise your frigging voice mate. Piss off."

Romeo was baffled, but he didn't just wander off. He was far too queer for that. "Yeah, so what if I am?"

"And I'm a Capulet."

"Oh yeah? What's your name? Bet you can't tell me that." As you can see, Romeo was tickling a dragon's eyelid.

"Tybalt. Actually. Do you want to cross swords?"

Romeo may have been dim, but even he pricked up at this. "Why, I wouldn't say no, if you get what I mean..." He winked with both eyes.

"Very well. Or would you rather a battle of wits? You Montagues are way too good at dying to make a sword fight worth it for me."

However, while Tybalt as wiping his lips, Capulet had got out of polite conversation with his cousin, and forced the unlikely pairing to talk posh. "My lad, do not draw swords among merriment! This is a party!"

"Dude - sire, my uncle, this is a villainous Montague, Montague's son himself! He is the-"

Capulet waved a pudgy hand to cut Tybalt off. "I know, nephew, and I agree, but he is a noble man, and he will not be killed in the middle of a masquerade! And wipe that frown off your face, Tyblat, it is unbecoming of a young man at a feast. Otherwise there will be a riot, and that will not happen among my guests!"

He said the last part too loudly, the already loud scene combining with Capulet's lordly impatience, and several of his beloved guests and partygoers turned to stare at the three men. HE waved them off like he had Tybalt, and soon the circle that had started to form had dissipated. However, Tybalt was clenching and unclenching his fist, out of sight of his uncle, and stuck his tongue out at Romeo as soon as  they were relatively alone, before heading for the door. He glanced around the room as he left. Meanwhile, Romeo still (kinda) wanted to find the Original Juliet, and saw her chatting to some random dude with a sloppy-looking tattoo of a snake on his neck.

Tattoo dude was gonna move have to move it.

Romeo thought this for approximately half a minute, before he tried to *subtly* interrupt and steal away Juliet. However, Romeo was caught in a staring contest with the Rival Dude, which he promptly lost. Disgraced, he was forced to throw another failure of a wink and leave, while Juliet and Paris sniggered behind his back.

Good job, Bromeo.

~~

I wasn't really sure how to end that one... sorry. That was a much longer chapter though!

So, that's act 1 done. After this it really does start to become an AU, rather than just pissed off dudes.

I'm still enjoying the feeling of not sleeping on a puffy mattress with three layers on, and being in a sleeping bag, and still being freezing. Warm beds and actual showers and toilets that aren't pits in the ground all seem like luxuries. Ok, this makes it sound like a hate camping... I don't, and it's really fun, but it's nice to get back. Who here feels me?

*Gives everyone unicorn farts in jars* (are you sensing a theme with what I'm giving out?)