Random Stories From Within

{As Death Continues To Try And Control Your Life}

As I do not fear death anymore because I was giving this awful heinous disease before I was born and I have suffered tremendously with this disease and trying to cope with myself changing and my mood swings getting bad and moody and sometimes angry and hostile towards myself and other's around me

and only if I can control these issues with this disease that has hit me like one of the plagues that will kill the population on the planet because this disease has ridiculed me and it has beaten me down to where I don't even feel like I am a human anymore and it has beaten me so bad to where it's stealing all my family and friends away that once stood by my side as my support to where I am now all alone with this hellish battle to try and defeat before it completely kills me

because I do not have no family or friends that understands what I am suffering with and dealing with daily they just want to run away from you and they want to ask you for a divorce just because they don't understand your disease that lives inside of your body and that has always been inside of your body and so that one day that it rears it's ugly head to you and to the world around you and then making your life turn upside down and shaking and rattling to the core while leaving us nothing behind not even your dignity and not even your hope, faith, strength, joy and your courage and your wisdom and then your health as this awful heinous disease that kills me bit by bit daily is something that I wish a million times that was never able to survive inside of me and when will we have a cure because this disease is so similar to cancer because cancer has no cure yet either and with this disease I have and with cancer well it tears and breaks you down until there's nothing left inside of you while your family and your loved ones and your friends all decides to desert you because they do not understand how to cope and learn to deal with what comes with your disease and how it affects your body and if we could control what this disease does to us on daily basis we wouldn't mind having it so much but we cannot control the symptoms and side effects of what comes with this disease and we fight and try to conquer this world of illnesses, diseases and chronic illnesses and chronic diseases and chronic pain but the sad thing is we can't and now we are the one's losing their family and friends and also are husbands and wives because they don't know how to deal with this disease so we once again or the ones that is losing the most important things that we care about and love as this continues to destory us from the inside to the outside of us

but as we don't fear death we have to accept it because truly death is apart of life's cycle of the old exiting this world and new life entering this world is apart of God's greater plan for us all to have eternal life

and as we cannot justify and crucify our own damnation and we cannot give up on ourselves as we have to march on and conquer and try our best to defeat this illness and disease that lives inside of us like it was the seven deadliest plagues to ever hit this planet or one's body trying to destroy every little piece of your insanity before it drives you completely mad while you continue to cry out for God's healing hands to heal you all and it doesn't stop the crying out in the vain as no one understands and feels your pain because each one of us our pains are different they are never the same and our sickness is never the same

one day I hope they have a cure for what diseases that is killing off the good people on this planet

because I am a survivor
because I am a conqueror
because I am a supergirl
because I am a warrior
because I am simply me

because I may come to you as someone that is a weirdo or that is too whiny and that is to complaining and sometimes I might get stuck on repeat because when your short-term and long-term memory starts to fail as mine and slowly slipping bit by bit and day by day until I will not be able to recognize or remember who anyone is as I don't my memories as a child and my memories that I've made throughout my life to be wiped out was in a blink of the eye making me forget because memories are made to last a lifetime they shall never perish they should never be stolen away because that's what this disease is trying to do with people like me that has it is trying to steal every little piece of hope and dignity and memories that we have inside of a mine this should simply be a heinous crime have to deal and live a life like this that was handed to us before birth and I guess that God only hands things like this to people that can handle it and he never gives us more than we can handle

and if these walls has been built up tall and strong so nothing can break them down but little bit by little bit these walls begin to get weaker and weaker and until the foundation is completely destroyed these are like our walls this inside of these prisons that is our prison that we have to live daily that we never get to flee from us and as we just want to be normal as we just want to be humans because with this inside of us we seem like some kind of alien from a different planet

and as we face death everyday we live and breathe oxygen inside of our sickened corrupted lungs that is closing tighter inside of our chest while our lungs only merely collapse stealing our lives before our dying and crying eyes

and I don't fear death anymore

because death is sounding better and better to me each day that I wake~up in this corrupted world

and fuck it you never noticed me in the first place unless you wanted a slave to kiss your ass and now I simply fade away like I was never here my dear

©Tina Glover\One_Pissed_Off_American_Ghost_Writer August 10,2018