I always want to sleep.
Mum can't look me in the eyes anymore.
Dad's coming around.
Sis never stopped.
He had just finished raping me,
Sated, the monster momentarily left his eyes,
And someone else stood in his place.
'You are really beautiful Emily.'
He gently caressed my body with tender touches.
'Your skin is so soft.'
It made me crawl.
'Perfect.'
Smiling, 'Did you enjoy it too?'
I was lying on the living room couch,
Naked and freezing.
The heating still hadn't been switched on.
'Are you hungry; thirsty?'
'May I please have some water?'
His face beamed.
'Of course I can give you some water.'
Him kissing me;
Far too long.
Get off me!.
He stood; looking me over.
Smiled.
I flinched when his hand
Came towards me
To move the hair from my eyes.
His smile disappeared,
And monster eyes returned.
'Don't fucking ever do that again. You got that?'
'Yes.'
His smile joined us again,
And I didn't pull away this time
When his hand reached down
To move the hair away from my eyes;
'See?'
Still; holding still.
'Now that wasn't bad, was it?'
Yes
He touched my face;
The touch of a monster.
'Good girl'
He caressed my arm, my leg;
My inner thigh.
'I'm still thirsty.'
I'm not your girl; never will be.
He kind of laughed;
And nuzzled my hair playfully.
Leave me alone.
'Okay.'
Now!
'I'll get your water.'
He walked toward the kitchen.
'I can see my focus
Is suffering the cost of having you here.'
Finally.
In the kitchen he laughed.
Alone.
'Would you like me to make you a tomato sandwich?'
But before I could answer.
'I'd noted how much you liked eating them,
So had made sure and bought aplenty
When I went shopping for you.'
Inside his freezing house,
A chill ran up my spine
That had nothing to do with the icy air.
On his returning to the living room,
He tossed a light green silk robe at me.
'Here, put this on.'
He waited until I had it on
Before handing me the water.
'You looked colder than you did thirsty.'
I tapped the glass with my fingernail
And then took a drink. 'Thank you.'
'It's all good, girl.'
No.
The robe wrapped around my body
Felt absurdly safe,
And as I began to focus
All my attention on its warmth,
I found myself inside, feeling softly obtained.
I stopped hearing what he was saying.
There is nothing here now.
Not moment; nor me.
'You're usually at your dad's
Having breakfast about this time.
Are you sure you're not hungry?'
I started hearing again.
'Yes'. Stunned.
'Me neither.'
He knows me inside and out.
'So, should we fuck again, or take a shower?'
'New, what do you own the world?
How do you own disorder, disorder,
Now, somewhere between the sacred silence,
Sacred silence and sleep,
Disorder, disorder, disorder.'
~System of the Down
