Stuck In Your Head | Matthew Daddario

5.2

(Private chat: Matty🐄)

Beau👼:
Hey, I know you said you'd be busy cleaning up your place and stuff but I kind of need to talk to you about something
I'm not breaking up with you or anything, it's just something you should know about me
Get back to me when you have a moment
[Sent: 10:29am]
[Read: 2:14pm]

-

Beau is sitting curled up against the arm of her sofa, reading an old favourite of hers to pass the time, when her phone rings, vibrating against the side table. She looks up from her book, marking her page before placing the book down and picking up her phone. The caller ID tells her all she needs to know as she settles back against the cushions and accepts the call, mumbling a soft greeting.

"Hey, sorry that it's taken a while to get back to you." Matt sounds out of breath as if he called literally as soon as he finished whatever he was doing just now.

Beau bites back a smile, fiddling with a loose thread on the blanket across the back of the sofa. "No, it's okay. Like I said earlier, I know that you wanted to get some stuff done today so you may not be quick to answer if I messaged you."

"Yeah..." Matt trails off, and she can picture him in her mind standing in the middle of the room, running a hand through his hair as he tries to work out how to approach the subject. She hears him take a deep breath before he speaks again. "So, you said you had something you needed to tell me. What did you want to talk about?"

Beau hesitates, not sure herself how to approach the subject. She knows that it's something he does need to know but it's still hard for her to talk about, even after so long.

Matt must pick up on her hesitation. "Do you want me to come to yours? If that would make it easier."

Beau shakes her head, belatedly realising that he can't see her right now. "It wouldn't; I don't think I would be able to talk about this face-to-face. I'd chicken out straight away, I know I would." She holds back the comment about not wanting to see the pity on his face in person. "Just - it's not something related to our relationship or anything like that."

Matt makes an encouraging noise as she hears him shift around. He doesn't speak and Beau takes that as him taking this seriously and listening carefully.

She sighs to herself, "It's stupid how scared I am to tell you but you deserve to know. Actually, it's something you need to know if you're going to be a part of my life for quite a while - potentially forever - because no relationship survives when secrets are kept."

He hums, "Well, I can't argue with that." He pauses before his tone completely changes. "Wait, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," She replies immediately, "I'm probably going to end up rambling though so I apologise in advance. Just, please don't interrupt because I don't think I can go over it more than once."

He doesn't even hesitate, "Okay."

Beau takes a deep breath before starting, to calm her nerves and to keep her emotions in check. "You've obviously noticed that I'm extremely close with my brother and Dom, and I know you probably wrote it off as us coming from a very close family. But, that's not entirely true. We do come from a close family but we become closer after-" She cuts herself off, unable to say it even though she knows she has to. Her breath stutters out as she forces the words to leave her lips, aware of how carefully he is listening. "After my parents died."

She hears a sound down the line as if all the air in Matt's lungs has just been punched out and she knows that this isn't what he was expecting. She feels a lump in her throat as she thinks about what to say and how to say it without breaking down.

"A car skidded on the road in the rain and hit the side of their car, pushing it over the edge of the road and down the embankment. Flynn and I were staying at Dom's while they went on a date." She pushes herself to keep talking even though she so desperately wants to stop. "I was young when it happened, not that I don't remember them vividly, and Flynn was 13 - we were nowhere near old enough to cope on our own, never mind lose our parents." She closes her eyes as she remembers the moment they found out that their parents were never coming back and they only had each other from then onwards. "Flynn was all I had left and I remember not letting him out of my sight for months, even when we officially moved in with Dom and his parents, because I was afraid of losing him too. I would even sleep beside him every night. Dom became like another brother over time and I couldn't lose him either." She uses her sleeve to wipe her eyes as a traitorous tear escapes. "It's why Flynn is so protective, and why he and Dom are always checking in on me. They don't want to lose me as much as I can't lose them."

It's quiet for a moment, Beau reliving memories that she wishes never existed but gets reminded of every year and Matt taking in everything he has just been told.

"It's the anniversary of the accident tomorrow." She whispers as she gives up holding back the tears and lets them flow silently over her cheeks. "I can't help but think about everything they never got to see. They never saw me grow up or have a part on a TV show - they'll never meet you or see me get married. They're never going to meet my children and I just can't -" Her voice dies out as a sob wracks her body, her mind thinking about everything her parents never got to and never will see.

Matt is quiet for a long while, letting her calm down at her own pace though she can hear his breath hitch every so often, affected by the information though he is trying not to be for her sake. When she has calmed, except for the occasional sniffle and hitched sob, he speaks although his voice betrays him and shows how emotional he is right now.

"Thank you for telling me something that obviously means a lot and hurts you a lot to even talk about. I'm not going to say sorry or any of the usual phrases because I know that it won't mean anything to you, it won't make it hurt any less and I know that. You're so strong and that's how I know you won't take it the wrong way when I say that my apologies won't bring them back so all I can do is be there for you while you're hurting." He takes a deep breath. "If you need me tomorrow then I'll be there, but I know you and you won't want to show that level of weakness in front of me - not so early in our relationship." She can almost hear the wry smile in his voice as she huffs but lets out an affirmative hum to what he said since it's true. "Flynn and Dom will be right there no doubt but the offer still stands - I'm right here if you need me and I'm honestly more than okay with staying with you and letting you cry all over me."

Beau sniffs and laughs slightly, drying her eyes with a sleeve. "Maybe but I would be mortified and probably insist on washing every piece of your clothing that I cried all over."

He hums, taking a moment to just settle and let her settle her emotions a little more before steering the conversation into a subject change to boost the mood to something a little happier from where it had dipped into something more sombre.