Try (bxb)

Chapter Six

"Chris? Chris wake up," I hear in my ear, and I immediately open my eyes.

"Mom? You're waking me up?" I ask eagerly, actually excited at the prospect.

My mom never does anything like that. This means she's taking an interest in me, caring about me being on time, this means I matter to her.

But she isn't there. Confused, I sit up slowly, looking around like an animal that isn't quite sure if it's surroundings.

Oh. I'm not in my room- I'm in Jason's. The white walls stare back at me for a moment before I turn my head and gasp.

"You scared me," I mutter, locking eyes with Jason and unable to look away. He smiles, but it's sad.

"I seem to do that a lot. I'm sorry," he says softly.

"It's not your fault," I say, swallowing hard. He thinks it's his fault when he's been the only one who cared. "Definitely not your fault."

His smile fades and he looks at me with pity. I look away for a moment, angrily. People always look at me like that, once they know. But their pity doesn't change anything. It doesn't help me now and it can't change the past- it's useless.

"Don't look at me like that," I snap. It comes out harsher than I meant it to and I can almost feel Jason's surprise at my outburst.

"Like what?" He asks, and I look back at him. The pity is gone, replaced with a look of surprise.

"Like you pity me. I don't need it," I say.

What I wasn't expecting is the way he smiles at me gently and then leans in to whisper in my ear.

"Move over."

I stare at him in shock for a moment and then start blinking rapidly. Does he want to get in the bed? Why? Should I move?

'Its his bed, stupid, move over,' says the Voice, and I sigh and then slide across the sheets, all the way to the other side of the bed, feeling my pulse in my throat.

"Chris? It's okay, I'm not going to hurt you darling," Jason's voice says, and I wince. Shit. He seems so...close.

"Jason don't... don't touch me, okay? I can't..." I trail off, horrified as my brain starts to overthink everything. I'm in his bed. Away from home. Nobody else is here, nobody can hear me if I yell. He's lying down close to me, and though I'm turned the other way, I know that he'll be facing me.

I'm scared again.

"You're shaking," Jason points out, and I flinch as his breath touches the back of my neck.

"I'm... Jason, I'm scared- I can't, I can't handle it, I'm not strong enough, please, Jason, I'm so scared," my voice comes out in pants, choppy and desperate. I don't know why I'm telling him this, like he can somehow do something about it.

Like I trust him to make it better.

"I know, baby, I know. It's okay- I'm here," he murmurs, and I turn to face him. His face is only inches away, and my breath hitches. I've never been in this position before- he never kissed me; kissing was personal, affectionate. Neither of those things were ever involved.

Our entire bodies are separated by about a foot, down to our feet resting near each other. I stare at him for just a moment, his eyes meeting mine. And then the hunger is back.

It gnaws angrily at me, latched onto each and every bone in my body, making me squeeze my eyes shut and try to control it. But it won't let go- it's too firmly wrapped around me. My head, my heart, my soul. I can't control it, can't make it stop.