When You Can't Sleep at Night

"How are you doing Cas?" Dean said, with a sincere look and a concerned tone. Cas quickly averted his eyes toward the ground, as if he was embarrassed. 

"I'm sorry, Dean," was all Cas managed to choke out. 

He tried to quickly walk towards the door, but Dean stepped in front of him and lowered his gaze to meet Castiel's eyes. "Cas," Dean said in a serious tone. 

"Dean I just want to go outside. I'm sorry for ever bothering you about my stupid dreams." 

As Cas said the last word, he turned his head away and Dean saw him trying to fight off his tears. 

Dean was slightly unsure of what to do. He felt sorry for Cas. For the first time in Cas' unbelievably long life, he could really feel emotion. All of the guilt had hit Cas like a freight train, and the weight was so much more than any one human should ever have to bear. Even though Cas wasn't all human, he was definitely not an emotionless angel anymore, and the guilt was literally ripping him apart. And in this moment, Dean didn't see a fallen angel, or a being who at one point could easily destroy demons and pull souls from hell. Dean saw a man. A fellow human. His friend, who was being pushed closer and closer to his breaking point by the sudden rush of regret. 

Dean felt useless because he really had no idea how he could stop Cas' pain. All he could do was stand there and try to understand. Dean put his strong arms around Cas' shoulders. He felt the smaller man shudder as he silently cried against Dean's chest. Dean wasn't sure how long they stood there, but Cas was his best friend, and he would never leave him. 

Dean finally broke the silence. "I had nightmares too. About you, Cas. When I thought I had lost you. When- " Dean's voice caught in his throat. 

He realized how much he feared loosing Cas. His grip on Cas tightened, as if Cas would be taken from him if he didn't hold on, and Dean suddenly felt a tear run down his cheek. "It's okay Cas. I've got you." Dean wasn't entirely sure whether he was saying it for Cas or for himself. 

Suddenly there was a loud knock on the door. Cas raised his head from Dean's chest and looked into his eyes. Dean leaned forward so his forehead was against the shorter man's. They looked into each other's eyes for a brief second before Cas tore himself out of Dean's grip. They both wiped their eyes and exchanged a final glance before Dean opened the door. 

It was Sam, with a stack of papers and his laptop. Sam pushed past Dean and plopped down at the small table. "I managed to dig up some info on the victims, and as it turns out- Dean? You listening?" 

"Hm? Yeah, yeah sorry. Keep going Sammy." Dean said, realizing he had been staring at Cas, who was leaned against the wall with his eyes pointed downward. 

Dean knew Cas would be just fine on the job. Cas was able to forget everything while he was working. He would act just like always. Following closely behind Sam and Dean, squinting his eyes when confused, and always risking his own life if it meant he could protect the boys. At least, Dean hoped he would be fine. Sam continued talking, but Dean was barely listening.

~~~~~~~~~~~

      After Sam briefed Dean and Cas on the details of the case, he looked to his brother. "So what's our next move Dean?" 

Dean tore his gaze from Cas to his little brother, thankful he had heard some of the details.

Two people, both with sudden success stories, being shredded to pieces by what local authorities assumed was a bear wandering out of the woods and into the sparsely populated town in Tennessee.

"So we're thinking crossroads demon? Came to town ten years ago with a solid trade for some desperate son of a bitch and racked up some extra deals while in the neighborhood?" Dean said, getting his mind off of Cas best he could manage.