50 Ways to Flirt with a Werewolf

#21

"Have you ever wondered what would happen if a hippogriff met a griffin and a hippo?" Sirius rambled curiously during Transfiguration. 

"No," Remus responded curtly. "And it's literally neither of those creatures."

"Then why would they name it that? Why wouldn't they call it like a...heagle?"

"Mr. Black," McGonagall called out. "Would you like to share your thoughts with the class?"

Remus groaned, slumping into his seat. 

"Yes, Professor, I would be delighted to!" Sirius hopped up from his chair, smirking as he passed James and Peter by. He stood up at the front of the classroom, clearing his throat. "Hi, my name is -"

"Mr. Black."

"Right, sorry. Of course you all know me. My bestest mate in the whole world and I, aside from my other two bestest mates," Peter and James bumped knuckles, "were discussing all the ways you could use a condom that wasn't for sex." The class burst into laughter but Remus sunk lower, his face flashing a brilliant shade of red. "So far we've got four-hundred and thirty-six ways. Scratch that. You can use it as a little snack baggie for trips! Now we have four-hundred an-"

McGonagall's face was expressionless; her lips were pursed and eyes narrowed. "Detention," she cut him off, "Two weeks. Both of you."

"Already marked it on my calendar!" Sirius skipped down the steps back to his desk, nudging Remus's mortified self. "Don't worry Moony, detention is a breeze with me."

"Sirius, I never get detention!"

"There's always a first for something. Glad I can be a part of one of them! Just think, you and me together in some trophy room polishing names of dead people. Romantic, eh?"

"I've always wanted to spend my nights cooped up alone with you."

"That's the spirit!"