Spring in Autumn

I missed you

The sky was turning crimson as he stepped into their warm little home, he himself built on his beloved wife's request. But now it seemed cold as they lived a lifeless life. He was about to leave for his room after a glance at her closed room door when that happened.

It wasn't so bad now and it seemed like she really understood his situation and have forgiven him. Even so there was something still preventing her from being her old self, the cheerful, unassuming self that he fell for. Not that he loves her any less now.

For the first time in a long while, she was carrying coffee and some cookies for them both as she called out to him. Her voice and happiness has yet to return to her, still this change gave him a bit more hope.

Susan: Joshua? Shall we talk? I mean now, if you have time?

Joshua: !!

He grinned openly to hear his name in her voice that happiness flooded through him. If only things never happened, this could be one of the evenings they could cuddle together in sofa as they chat. But as it is.

Joshua: Of course!

Susan: …

Joshua: Susan? What is it?

Susan: Um… maybe if I sounded stupid, would you still listen to me?

Joshua: What do you mean?

Susan: Uh… even if I didn't make sense, would you still hear what I have to say?

As he listened to her mumble in a pathetic whispered he smiled gently as he touched her cheek. He could feel affection well up inside of him, that he wanted to hug her tight. But he had to listen first.

Joshua: It's just me, Susan… You can say anything.

Susan: You know, I… wasn't feeling a thing all these days. But that's what's frustrating me to no end that I don't feel like living at all…

Her admission was kind of complicated for him to understand but her next statement shocked him. He cupped both of her cheeks, turning her towards him as he asked.

Joshua: You didn't feel anything?

Susan: Yes… Not a thing…

Joshua: I don't understand, Susan. I'm sorry…

Susan: No, it's just… I feel no emotions at all… happiness, sadness, fear, anxiety… nothing! And…

Joshua: Susan…

Susan: But I wanted to feel something... To know I'm still alive... And when I wanted to feel something I think of your words that day. It made me feel pain like no other. I was kind of glad I could feel something…

The next moment she was in his arms, face pressed against his chest and he felt her tremble slightly. His eyes were raining already but that didn't matter as he spoke.

Joshua: Idiot! That's why you thanked me today? I've been so horrible that I robbed your feelings off of you… I don't deserve to live at all!

Susan: No, Joshua… I've missed feeling all fuzzy when you hug me, kiss me… I regretted every moment I couldn't feel your love through your embraces in this past month…

Joshua: You… why didn't you tell me any sooner?! That I've caused you so much pain?

Susan: Because… I know you've been hurt yourself.

Joshua: Susan…

There was a long silence. Very long, that they just sat there in each other's warmth until at last she looked up with teary eyes. She hasn't cried in those days either that he wiped them away gently as if every bead of tear was precious. Then she said those words, that Joshua felt like his ears were deceiving him. He didn't move for a moment before answering in a vigorous nod.

Susan: Shall I… kiss you?

Joshua: …

Joshua: Susan… I'm yours… all yours…

She closed her eyes as she leaned towards him and after a moment of hesitation pressed her lips to his in a gentle peck before pulling back. She leaned against his chest as she wrapped her arms around him. When she spoke there was a faint warmth of emotions, not fully recovered, but still enough to make him happy.

Susan: I love you, Joshua.

Their Spring in Autumn... a little slow but sure.