Once Upon A Time | EAH

Dear God

Based on the song, Dear God by Hunter Hayes

Here I go again. Lizzie thought to herself as she took a swig from her glass. She wasn't sure anymore, but she thought that she was three glasses in. Why do I always do this? Feel bad. Get drunk. Count her sins. This routine had become all too normal for Lizzie. She always felt horrible  the next day, guilty for acting so foolishly. But she couldn't help it, she always relapsed.

She walked around in her large bedroom, but she wasn't alone. It was her and her demons at war again. She tried to fight it, fight the darkness, fight the anger. But it always overtook her. The people knew Lizzie as the villainous Queen Of Hearts; but that wasn't what she felt like. But it seemed as though she was made that way.

She walked to her window and stared out of it. It was three in the morning, the Wonderland moon shining bright. A single tear slipped down her cheek. "Are you listening?" She whispered while staring at the dark sky. Why was she always like this? She didn't want this life; this cruel life that was thrusted upon her. 

"You made a woman this fragile." She whispered into the void. "You made a heart that can break." Her lip quivered as more tears spilled out. 

"You made me love so hard, when everything I love just leaves." She sobbed.

"Are You sure there's nothing wrong with me?" She whipped her tears away. 

She stood up, giving one final look at the moon. "And please just tell me, why does my life have to hurt so much?" Her hands formed into fists and she was no longer sad; she was angry."Why can't I find any piece of love? And, why do I feel like I'm not enough?" She screamed.

Dear God, are You sure that You don't mess up? She thought to herself. They say everyone was made for a reason, but Lizzie wasn't sure anymore. She felt like a mess up. God had messed up. She looked at herself in the mirror. The red heart around her eye was now smudged. "You made me this, but can we share the blame?"

She thought of the life she had to give up; and the life she was forced to live. She Queen she wanted to become; and the Queen that the world had made her.

"Dear God, are you sure that you don't," her voiced cracked. "That You don't mess up?"

You don't mess up. I know you don't mess up.

"I know that You don't mess up." She whispered. 

Lizzie couldn't help but think of the people who had lost their heads. She commanded and the guards all too egarly obliged. When she tried to seek help, ask her mother was she couldn't control her anger, her mother just laughed. She told Lizzie that this anger meant that she was finally the person she was meant to be. The destined Queen Of Hearts.

Lizzie looked down at the ground. "I know this ain't for nothing, that there's nothing you don't make." She walked to her balcony and stepped out onto  it. "I know you got your reasons. But, this shit's just hard to take." She hugged herself. 

"I swear I don't mean to criticize. I know I'm hard to teach. I know I'm just a foolish girl, and you probably don't even care. I know that you can't tell me that there's nothing wrong with me."

She placed her hands on the railing and leaned off a bit. "But why does my life have to hurt so much? And why can't I find any piece of love? Why do I feel like I'm always not enough?" 

She took in a sharp breath as the tears flowed freely. "Sometimes I feel lost. Sometimes I'm confused. Sometimes I cry... not sure if you're even there. And even if you were, why would you listen to a sinner like me?"

She lowered herself down onto the floor and tightly hugged herself. "Dear God, are you sure that you don't, that you don't mess up?"

You don't mess up.

"I  know that you don't mess up, but Dear God, just remind me that you don't mess up."

Author's Note 

So one of my favorite music artists, Hunter Hayes, just came out with the song "Dear God". Needless to say, I've been listening to it (A LOT) and... this happened. Hope you like it! Man, I write a lot of songfics haha.

-Becca