My Heart, Soul, and Mind

TO THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS EVER CARED

Im sorry.

I screwed everything up.

I should have just kept my mouth shut.

But now you know.

And I can't change that.

Because you know, it's okay to speak of it.

I cut.

I don't just cut, though.

I carve.

Words of hatred.

My thoughts.

Done by my own hand.

With a blade.

To the pale flesh of my thigh.

The darkness of my mind.

When my thoughts control my body.

I'm a hazard.

To you.

To myself.

To everyone.

These are my thoughts on a day to day basis.

But all this changed when we met.

You treated me like a human.

You hugged me.

You laughed with me.

You made me happy.

The respect you treated me with.

It was mind-blowing

A foreign feeling.

Something so new and so amazing.

It made my dark thoughts drift away.

You cared.

I loved you.

Then you discovered my secret.

You held my blades in your hands.

You put the pieces together.

When I scratched at my thighs.

When I would limp a little.

How I never showed my thighs.

The puzzle was solved.

It formed an ugly picture.

And you left.

Then my thoughts came back.

I scared my thighs yet again.

Insignificant.

Unloved.

I'm A Fuck up.

No hope.

I'm not okay.

Give me therapy.

Emo.

Anxiety.

All these words scarred my skin.

It brought back memories from the first time I cut.

The day was 4/22

Oddly enough, also carved in my thigh.

Now, we're here.

Not much has changed.

Just new scars and new heartbreak.

Soon, a new change will occur.

For the better.

For everyone.

You and I.

We'll be happier.

You can fly.

As I will fall.

You will smile.

I'll cry.

You'll laugh.

I'll bleed.

But it will be okay.

For all of us.

My mere existence will fade.

Completely.

It will vanish.

There will be no worries for anyone.

All will be good.

Before this all ends, I have one final thought.

One final thing to be carved into my thigh.

One final scar that will never heal and will never let anyone forget what this day was for me.

For me it was the end.

So that's it.

By my own hand.

The hand that holds the blade.

I carve my final words into my thigh.

Deep.

To bleed out.

The deeper the cut, the louder the words.

And these must be my loudest.

For they are my last.

Today.

This is it.

It is.

"The End"

-The One Who Could Not Be Saved