Jashin always comes first (Naruto story)

Chapter 1

"WHERE THE HELL ARE WE?!?"

"WOULD YOU SHUT THE HELL UP?!?"

"FUCK NO!! GO SHOVE THAT DAMNED STICK UP YOUR ASS!" I shout, referring to her damned spear.

Hoshi's eye twitched. Hmph, serves the Bitch right. I follow after her, chuckling at hearing her 'So troublesome' comment under her breath. "Seriously, where the fuck are we, Bitch?" She glares at the bitch comment but I ignore it.

We stare at each other.

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Sighing, "We're currently five days from Suna, eight days from Konoha, and three days from the land of Tea. That means about 2 hours from Otogakure." I grin wickedly at her defeat and throw a kunai at her head.

She ducks at the last minute, backflips to my side and readies her spear. I grab my scythe off my back and grin up at Sharingan eyes. I hear rustling of leaves behind me. Swinging around, I bring my scythe to the left, stopping the blade coming at me. And I'm met with sushi. I begin laughing. He looks at me weirdly, but it just makes my laughing all the worse. "Holy shit, Hoshi!!! This guy's walking sushi!! Y-you fight him, I can't take this guy seriously-hahaha!!!"

His eyes narrow to slits, glaring through my soul.

Hoshi sighs and we switch quickly, me narrowly missing Sushi's blade. I grin and glance at my new opponent. He glares at me. My eyes go wide for a second. "I FOUND LOVER BOY, HOSHI!!"

WHAT?!?!"

Pouting, I glare at my best friend. "C'mon, bitch! Who the fuck have you talked about for the past 6 months?!?! ITACHI UCHIHA MOTHERFUCKER!!!" I narrowly miss a kunai.

"She reminds me of Hidan.." Kisame suddenly comments.

"How do you know my name?" I catch a shuriken in between my fingers while simultaneously stopping Sushi's blade.

With shuriken still in hand, I wrap an arm around my gaping best friend. I jerk her under my armpit and grin at the one of the three Uchiha's left. "I'm sure she's hurt.. Who the fuck could forget a bitch like Hoshi Nara?" His eyes go wide at my words.

" 'Tachi?!?!! Y-you joined Akatsuki?? You left your stupid ass brother in Konoha for a bunch of misfit dumbasses?!?!" I snicker, slapping the back of her head.

She nurses her aching head while glaring at me, "OWW!!"

I give her a pointed look. "Hey, we're part of those 'misfit dumbasses' now, so shut your damned mouth." Sushi and Itachi's head whip around to me.

"Says who?!?!" Kisame exclaims, poking me in the chest; looking down at my small figure.

My eyebrow twitches. "SAYS ME MOTHERFUCKER!! YOU WANT ME TO SACRIFICE YOU TO FUCKING JASHIN, COCKSUCKER?!?!" Kisame's mouth snaps shut, his finger retreating back to his chest.

"Definitely just like Hidan.." Itachi mutters.

I perk at that. "Who's the motherfucker you keep talking about?? Hid-what's his face..." Hoshi groans in irritation.

"God-"

"JASHIN!"

"you're so troublesome... If they take us to the Akatsuki hideout, you'll get to meet this person that's caught your interests. God-jashin-forbid you sacrifice him." I go to correct her, but she does it herself.