Temporary Bliss | Jimin ✔

IV

You were wrong to think that Jimin couldn't give his heart to anyone because you forgot about her—the singular person who owned it right from the very start. You never included her in the picture, forgetting that she's real, that she exists in your world and that she's won against you, against every other girl he'd taken home before.

You failed to consider Nicole in the picture because you thought Jimin had moved on from her. But you were wrong and you should've known that those three words beneath her name scrawled on his notebook would resonate and echo in the cages of his heart, would be the air that his lungs breathe—those three words would become the only clear and direct thing that raced through his mind all day and night.

You should've known and once again, you're censuring yourself for your stupidity. Shaking your head in disbelief, you let yourself believe that Jimin wanted you too, that he loved you but his love for her will always be stronger than whatever it was that he felt for you. It's a more intense and powerful fire that engulfed your puny flame, completely dissipating it so only hers could be the only one lit up, so only her fire could be the present one in his heart and soul. It's stupid of you to think that Jimin had forgotten her whenever he was with you because it's still her.

It's always going to be her. It's never going to be you for in his heart, he still longed for Nicole. Her name will always be etched and engraved in the innermost corners of his whole being, even in the darkest parts of him; her name will surface like a tattoo.

Like every mathematical problem, there'll always be a variable. With every scientific experiment, most researchers try to control the variables affecting to have the whole test as controlled as possible but you could not deny their existence. And she's a very important and large variable to the picture, one that you could not push away, one that you could night fight with because it's obvious that even before the battle, everyone already knows who will emerge as the champion.

Jimin and her—they're symmetrical and congruent while you and Jimin as a team are the opposite. You'll always be a coefficient to him that resulted from the variable. You tried to add yourself to his life but with her always there inside his mind, you've already been subtracted a long time ago, creating this division between your heart and his.

Before, he was just a means to an end—the end being Taehyung and your means was Jimin but now all you could think about is what if.

What if you end up with Jimin instead? You wanted that but it's something you'd never obtain. You remembered when he said, "I only have one girl in my mind right now."

That was you. You were the only one in his mind. You didn't think about it then but now it dawned on you that he didn't say heart but instead he chose to say mindbecause you weren't the one in his heart—it's her.

Of course, the person inside an individual's heart will always be the winner; it'll always be the most important thing and whoever the person one's heart beats for, they're lucky. So it didn't matter whether you were on Jimin's mind back then because she's the one who has a hold of his heart as if the whole world is in her hands.

It'll never be you and he made that clear. If it's you, then he'd be with you here right now, he'd be the person who opens the door when you're outside his place but unfortunately it's not you that Jimin picked.

You sway yourself into thinking that it's your fault because you never saw Jimin back then. Maybe if you had, a turn of events would have happened. The timeline would alter where he wouldn't have met her, they wouldn't have created such beautiful memories together, where they wouldn't have this special history, this powerful and different kind of love between them that is difficult to defeat.