Forgotten Newt

Bloody hell I'm really going to die today

You know that terrible feeling when you don't remember something? That hopeless feeling that its on the tip of your tongue, but know you'll never reach it? And even if someone told you, you still wouldn't have it?

Thats me right now. But much bigger.
My first memory is one from two years ago, when I arrived at the bloody glade. Before that it's just, blank. And the most frustrating thing is, I can remember some things. Like on a test, you see the whole page you studied, but the answer is blurred. I remember buildings and pizza and running and so on. But I can't remember the names of the buildings or how they look like. I remember buying a pizza but not my favourite topping, or the name of the place a bought it. And I remember running, the sweet wind in my frizzy brown hair and the adrenaline rushing through my veins. But I can't remember my jogging partner, my favourite place to pass, or even if I packed any yummy snacks along. The only name I could remember was my own, (Y/n). But that was going to change. Today, I'm going to escape the bloody glade, or die trying.

"(Y/n), are you sure you want to do this?" asks Sonya, my best friend in this horrid place. Her face was full of genuine concern, and I was thankful for it. But although thankful, I was still annoyed because she knew I wasn't going to change my mind.

"Sonya, please, I don't want to this, any of this. I don't want to feel lost, to be stuck in this world of forgetfulness. And bloody hell I don't want to be upset! But I have to do it, just like now."

Sonya sighs. All the girls in the glade are trying to escape, but not like me. I'm the only one brave (or dumb) enough to risk my life.

A few days back two of our best runners found a cliff at the edge of the maze. The road leads to nothing but space. The two runners threw things across, but all they did was fall into nothingness. When I heard, I wanted to jump over immediately, but my friends stopped me. They told me I could die, but I didn't really care. I was sick of being stuck. After a lot of convincing, I gave them 5 days to show me why I shouldn't go, but it didn't work. So here I was, impatiently waiting for the gates to open.

"Are you sure you don't want to take some rope with? Or maybe a knife?" Sonya asks again.

"No, the rope could strangle me and I could land on the knife, both resulting in my death," I say, my expression quickly hardening. Usually I was really happy person, filled with enthusiasm and energy. Today I was determined, my happy, chirpy self momentarily drained.

"Ok but take this, I'm sure it won't kill you," says Sonya, holding her hand towards me. In her palm was an wooden bear, about 3 inches tall. I take it out of her palm, studying it for a few seconds.

"Thank you Sonya," I whisper, barely audible. I look at her with thankful eyes and she shrugs,

"Carved it myself," she says, looking smug. Her expression softens and tears begin to form in her eyes. I was always (am still, actually) very socially awkward and have found emotions to be irritating, but returned the hug and patted her back.

"I'll miss you and your awkwardness (Y/n)," says Sonya, sobbing now,

"Me too. I'll really miss myself but my awkwardness can leave," I reply, causing her to chuckle,

"But seriously (Y/n), if you die I'll summon your ghost and kill you again,"

"I promise I'll be care-..." I start, but get interrupted by the loud screeching of the gates opening. Sonya quickly becomes jittery, knowing that I'll be leaving any second.

"Keep the bear with you, it's good luck," she says, looking at my with puffy eyes,

"C'mon Sonya," I reply, motioning towards myself, "I'm (Y/n) for crying out loud, I don't need luck,"

"Then give it to someone who does you egomaniac!" she shouts after me, but I barely hear as I'm running towards the gates. Most of the other girls didn't agree with my actions, so I had to run through at dawn to get a head start on them. One of them, Harriet, tries to follow me, but because I got the head start she falls behind.

I never understood why they didn't just agree to let me go in the first place. I'm not the smartest, the strongest nor even the prettiest, so it wouldn't be like my absence would be a great loss. My friends (Harriet and Sonya being the best of them) told me otherwise, but I knew better of it. Another thing that I remember is that sometime in the past, someone severely damaged my self esteem, so I usually wear a fake mask of happiness and pretend to have a huge ego. I've gotten so used to it that its not forced anymore, just replaced with emptiness. It's another reason why I want to remember. I want to know what it was like to feel real feelings, not get irratated with them.

And I want to know who did this to me, not just broke me, but put me in this maze. It might be two or three different people but hey, I want revenge either way,

I pull out the map Sonya drew for me, trying to figure out the scribbled lines. On top of forgetting everything, I also had a very bad memory, so I wouldn't last two seconds out here without a bloody map.

I start running again with my nose buried in the map, hoping that I don't run into a wall (which did happen a few times). Every time I start to get tired a voice my steps in my head, till I get so irritated it turns to determination and the tiredness disappears. Even though I love running with my whole heart, I haven't done it in a while because I wasn't fast enough (or to much short-term memory) to become a runner. In the glade I was a gardener, because I couldn't do anything else.

Huffing for air, I finally reach the cliff. I almost fell over though, but luckily caught myself in the process. It waa more beautiful than I could've ever imagined. It was litterally just a road ended by space, but I guess everything seemed beautiful if you know that there's a 90% chance you're going to die. Tears started to form in my eyes but I rejected them completely. Tears were a sign of weakness and I, (Y/n) was not weak! Sighing, I stand up to jump when I hear a voice behind me:

"(Y/n)! Please stop! Please don't jump!" screams Harriet as she closes the space between us,

"Harriet listen," I say, forcing my voice to become steady, "You and I both know that my theory is flawed, so if I just continue falling don't jump after me. Wait till I hit the ground and tell you it's ok before sending someone else in,"

"No, (Y/n), please,"

Before she can convince me to stay, I jump over the cliff. Harriet screams in agony but, it gets drained by the sudden shock of pain in my right arm. Apparently my arm hit and corner of something hard and my face drains of all colour. Was that the exit? Did I just hit the bloody exit of this maze with my arm, missing it with mere centimeters?

"Harriet!" I shout, "This isn't the exit! I just hit my arm against the real exit, try to throw rocks in that direction!"

I don't know if she heard me, but after I shouted she turned around to leave. Falling farther and farther into the abyss, I hold my breath and wait for the final impact...

A/N: Ok I'm sorry I left it at such a cliffhanger...(😂) This is why I don't have a social life, but anyways, what did you think? I know Newt isn't in this first chapter but I wanted a little backstory first...And I know this was basically the description so you know what will come next (if you haven't read the description then don't)
Till next time
-Dr.MilkShakeSpear