Pinkish

I

Gerard was surprised his tired feet had taken him as far as he had gone. It seemed, as of late, that every time he stood too quickly, he lost all of the blood in his head, and his vision went black around the edges. It was a miracle he was able to walk from Mikey's apartment all the way to El Cajon Blvd. without blacking out.

Mikey had seen his brother answer the phone and pack his bag many times before, and he knew exactly where he was going. He had learned better than to stop Gerard from leaving.

"Yeah," Mikey could hear him say as he eves-dropped outside Gerard's room. "Uh-huh. I'll be there at five. Yep. Love you too. See you then." He placed the landline back on its holder. Mikey watched him through the slightly opened door as he plucked a few articles of clothing from his drawers and threw them in his bag.

When Gerard turned around to leave, he jumped back at the sight of his brother standing so close to him. "Mikey!" Gerard smiled to calm his nerves. "You scared the shit out of me."

Mikey shook his head. "You don't need to go with him. You know that, right?"

"Yes." He laughed awkwardly. "I do."

"Stay." Mikey walked over to the bed and sat on the edge to draw Gerard away from the door. "Stay, and I'll drive you down to the office tomorrow. Terry will give you your job back no problem. You're a good worker."

Gerard shook his head. "I have to be there tonight. He's waiting for me." He turned to his dresser and opened the top drawer. From it, he pulled out a pack of pink, spermicidal condoms which he had gone the superfluous distance to hide under the bulk of his clothes stored inside. He didn't know why he still hid them from sight. He was an adult. It wasn't like Mikey didn't know who his brother was.

"You're twenty-seven," Mikey reminded as Gerard tossed the box into his bag. "You can be independent. You don't need him!" Mikey reached inside the bag, pulling out the condoms and the clothes Gerard had thrown in. He had been able to clean out the entire bag with his quick hands before Gerard stopped him.

Gerard looked down at his brother square in his face with rage in his eyes as he carelessly threw his clothing back inside. "I love him." His recklessness upset Mikey even more.

"Does he love you?" Mikey asked, standing to claim the one inch he had over his brother.

"He loves me more than you ever have!"

"I let you live here because I love you. Okay? Does your man let you stay in his house in God knows where? No!" He began backing Gerard up against the wall. "Do you know how embarrassing it is when I can't have girls or friends over because I have to care for you all the time? It isn't my job to police my older brother around so you don't fuck up your life. But do you know why I do it?" Gerard didn't answer. "Because I love you more than he does. I'm your blood."

"You're a fucking prude!"

What came over Mikey in that moment was an unspeakable force that possessed him long enough to shove Gerard into the wall behind them. A helpless grunt escaped Gerard's throat as his shoulder blades contacted the drywall. He held up his empty hands in surrender as tears formed in his eyes.

The malevolent urge left Mikey as quickly as they entered him, and he had recognized what he had done. "I'm so sorry!" He created a distance between him.

With a gentle wiggle, Gerard was able to free himself from the dents in the wall they had created. He said nothing as he wiped the dust off his shirt, grabbed his bag, and left.

A great shame filled Mikey with regret as he sat back down on the bed and doubled over to rest his head between his knees. Past his left shoe, on the floor, he saw the condoms Gerard had lost and forgotten about in his scramble to leave the house. He too cried in acknowledgment that forgetting the condoms was the last thing Gerard needed to do.