The week flew in and as much of a challenge this was I managed to stay sober the whole week. I got a lift off the waiter the night the man tried to beat me up and I've been texting Aaliyah non stop. We've been talking about what we could do when i arrive. I got a taxi to the airport, got a bite to eat then sprinted to platform 6 for my 7 and half hour flight to Toronto. Once I was the flight had taken off and the seat belt sign was turned off I put my earphones in and put my iPod on shuffle. Despite not talking to Shawn for months every single lyric of every single song I listened to reminded
Me of him. At that moment It hit me. I totally still have feelings for shawn and he doesn't even know that I am on a 7 and half hour flight to come and stay at his house for about a month. I really should have told him but would he really care he's famous now. He's living the dream and everybody loves him. Just hope he kept his promise to stay humble. I don't care if he remembers me or not I just want him to remember that. I got so lost in thought I didn't realise the boy sitting across the isle from me was shouting my name. I ignored it as I thought he was shouting his girlfriends name of something like that.
"Megan, stop pretending you don't remember or recognise me! It's me, cameron Dallas"
How could I not realise! He had changed how he looked a little. His hair was recently trimmed and he looked more tanned than usual.
"Cameron what are you doing here why were you in glasgow? And traveling to Toronto?" I asked
"Well I had to travel to Scotland for a meeting and shawn asked me if I was available to come to his concert in Toronto and of coarse I said yes! How are you and shawn getting on? I haven't heard from you for months! Are you well? In the nicest way possible you look really ill!"
"I've not talked to anybody really since the Hilton and I guess I'm fine. I haven't talked to shawn for months and with ever second without contact I get more and more depressed. I fucked up my life! I got punched in the face by a 26ish year old man in a bar, I've been kicked out of school and this is the first week I've been sober in 5 months and shawn doesn't care about me anymore and I don't even care about him (I really do... I just don't want to admit it) but I guess you could say I'm fine!?" I stated with my lip trembling trying not to show my weaknesses in front of cameron.
"Ask yourself this if you didn't care about shawn then why are you on a flight to Canada?" Cameron's reply hit me hard. Harder than the guy at the bar punched me. It hurt because it was the truth. I care so much about shawn that I was willing to travel 3,293 miles to possibly see him. I give cameron a gentle smile.
"There she is!"
"There who is?" I reply
"There's the Megan I remember. I miss the happy and very loud Megan. Ps the boys and I could hear you and shawn from the other side of the hotel!"-this made me laugh I forgot how much I missed cameron. He was seriously like a big brother to me he was always the one at the Hilton to hug me when I was down and always tell me that everything was ok. I think all I needed right now was a little cameron in my life!- "you know that shawn hasn't stopped talking about you for 6 months! He has told me that now that he has became famous he didn't think you wanted to talk to him and he never replied to you because he was looking out for you"
"Wait he hasn't replied to any of my messages in months because He was looking out for me!? I've been through hell and back because of him and all because he was looking out for me! Tell me this isn't true!"
"It is and I understand your point of view but I also understand where he is coming from! No matter how hard you try you can't get anything past your fans and the press they will hold anything against you and blame you for everything believe me I've been there. You can't have a simple conversation through text without somebody hacking your phone and posting it for the world to see. He is still in love with you Megan! He does care about you! You just need to be happy for him and accept that he is only wanting the best for your future!"- Cameron showed me a conversation they both had. I stopped at a paragraph from shawn and read it over and over again. It's stated:
"Cam this is killing me! I am being serious dude! I'm scared incase I talk to Megan then i get hacked again and she ends up hating me forever I just wish that there was a different way to contact her without being hacked. I miss her a lot! I miss our late night phone calls and our flirtatious messages. Without Megan in my life i feel like hazel when Augustus dies . Lost & alone. I want her back!" I was crying. I had no idea that this is how he felt! Cameron got a woman that was sitting beside him to switch seats with me and I sat cuddled into him trying to hold back the tears. Cameron pushed up my jumper and kissed my scars while saying
"Just let everything go! The more you hold it in the more harm and pain you will inflict on yourself." I hadn't told him that I had self harmed but somehow he seemed to know.
