Nothing Wrong With Loving

Chapter 20: Tell Me You Love Me

"I think— I think it was more to do with my brother?" I told her, with time and a lot of conversations with both parts (mostly Mum) I've found out that my brother was an actual asshole to my mum to the point where she actually believed that Tobias having sex with men in places where he knew she would walk in at any moment were just rebellious acts done solemnly to make her suffer. Tobias did accept that some things he did only to mess with her.

I don't think my brother was the best person ever, I think that was something that also kept me a little from him, the fact that he did so much shit and he went so far to make my mother miserable? It just... I don't know, it made me feel a little weird.

"The hot brother?"

"Yikes, nasty." I groaned, she laughed. "No but yeah, she's like nicer about it and about a lot of things, you know? Like, I think when she read one of my notebooks? The yellow one where I wrote all these things about my undying love for Ceci and how I couldn't accept myself because of my mum, she sort of realised that it wasn't me trying to fuck with her like my brother did but like an actual real thing."

"Oh," She nodded a little fazed. "That's a bit, I dunno but I'm happy for you. While we're on the subject—"

"What if she doesn't love me anymore?" I asked before she could talk about it. I knew it was what she was going to talk about. "I mean... what if she waited for so long for me to tell her how I felt that when I finally managed to say it, she just—doesn't feel it anymore, you know what I mean?"

"As in she waited for so long that when she got it she realised she didn't actually want it anymore?" She asked, practically reading my mind. Thank God for Katie. "I think you're overthinking it? I mean, yeah, you did take ages to say it but like she waited four years, man, that's not... something you just get over in a few months, is it?"

"Yeah but then why ask me to see other people?"

"I don't know, ask her that," Katie shrugged, I rolled my eyes at her answer. "I'm just saying, it's better to just talk it out, be mature about it. You love this girl, don't you?" She asked and I nodded without hesitation. "Then try to fix it, communicate and fucking fix it and then introduce her to me so she doesn't hate me so much."

"She doesn't hate you—"

"The look in her eyes said otherwise."

"It was one night, you can't possibly know—"

"Yes, I can," Katie laughed at me, nodding as she parked her car in the nearest place she could find.

I didn't move and neither did she, I could tell she was feeling awkward. It was something we did often, stay in awkward situations that weren't completely uncomfortable, that was just who we were, two very awkward people who enjoyed being awkward around each other.

"Spit it out," She broke the silence, I rolled my eyes at her bluntness.

"What if she really doesn't love me anymore?"

Katie took a moment, she rested her hands on the wheel and thought about an answer. When she came up with one, she sighed heavily and turned to look at me, "Then you really know and you can move on. You'll know what to do when you talk, if you don't you'll never get past this situation. Not to get deep, but like... sometimes you gotta know shit, even if it's bad, you gotta face it to move on from it. So, go know shit and then come back and tell me what's up, yeah? We can either go to gay clubs get drunk as fuck or we can... I don't know, watch shitty movies with your hot brother."

And just like that, everything seemed a little easier.

Thank God for Katie.

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