This Love

n i n e

"I know," Clarke says.

"We're going to forget everything else." Lexa says, and Clarke quirks a brow.

"We are?"

"Yes. I'm tired of doing what's right. Because really, it doesn't feel right. I can't stay away from you, Clarke. Even if I try, I can't. I need to end it." Lexa looks back at Clarke, who was suddenly gawping at the realisation of what she was implying. "I know it's rushed, but I can't be with her anymore."

The shit-eating grin that followed the words is enough to tell Lexa exactly what Clarke is thinking. "Is it bad that I'm somewhat relieved?"

"Is it bad that I'm extremely relieved?"

Clarke smirked, rested her head against her palms, and laughed.

"This is so, so shit," Lexa frowned, and Clarke instantly sat back up to comfort her.

"Hey," she whispered softly, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, "what you're doing, it's for the best."

"Is it? Because from where I'm sitting, it doesn't feel like it," Lexa groans, throwing her head back in annoyance, "I never wanted to hurt anyone."

Clarke grabbed her hand.

"The only person you've been hurting is you, Lexa. You never do what you want," she frowned, "maybe that's why we didn't get as much time as we should have."

"Love was weakness," Lexa responded.

Clarke was shaking her head, looking at lexa in disbelief, but Lexa was too caught up in her own thoughts to notice.

Breaking up with Costia is the right thing. She knows that. But it doesn't mean it's going to hurt her any less, because it will.

She sat with her legs hugged into her chest, and took her gaze back towards the skyline, watching the stars.

"I miss this," Clarke tells her, leaning over to bump Lexa's shoulder with her own."I miss how we used to be."

Lexa is surprised at the way the words seem to shake through her heart.

"How did we get like this?" Lexa asks after a while, her legs suddenly starting to ache after minutes of sitting in the same position. "In our dreams everything seemed to feel so normal, so gentle, and now everything has just fallen apart. We used to be family, Clarke."

"We never stopped being family, Lexa."

Lexa closes her eyes. "It feels like it sometimes."

"I know."

They fall into silence for a while, and Lexa tries to let herself revel in the feeling of weightlessness, of floating. She feels numb from the cold, but her senses feel like they are on overload. The sounds of traffic become a symphony in her head, horns and percussion creating a familiar tune, and the air seems even crisper than before. There is a pleasant tingling sensation in her fingertips, and Lexa just wants this to last.

"It will get better, you know," Clarke says, her voice adding to the symphony.

"But it won't ever be the same."

"I don't want it to be the same. I just want you."

Lexa sighs, and staggers a breath. "Tell me what to do."