Count On Me

"Wow. I'd never get that one past my mom." I shrug. I wish my dad was more like Hana, but he isn't, in so many more ways than just this. So avoiding him is for the best.

I sit cross-legged on my bed and Uriah sits beside me, his back against the wall and his feet out in front of him. "I want to know what you're thinking about that night, Tris."

Well, he just jumped right in, didn't he? And the thing is... I'm still confused. I've gone over and over this in my head and it always feels like I am thinking in circles. "I―" I try to start, but I don't know what was supposed to come after that first syllable, and I bury my face in my hands. "I think I need you to talk first, Uriah."

"Okay..." he says slowly. "I'm going just say it, then. I have feelings for you, Tris. I want you. I've regretted sleeping with you that night ever since I woke up the next morning, but that's only because I feel like I lost you.." He scoots closer to me and hooks his index finger under my chin, lifting it so that I am staring right into his eyes. "But if that isn't what you want...then I'm okay with that. Because I can't lose our friendship, Tris. I couldn't stand that."

He slowly lowers his hand and leans against the wall again, nervously playing with his fingers as I process everything he just said.

Uriah likes me. And as much as I have denied it every time Madison brings the subject up, I have warred with myself these past few weeks, trying to sort out how I feel about him, too. But every time I think maybe I do, I get so scared... so scared of letting myself love someone.

"Uriah..." I say, and he immediately looks up at me. "I think I might like you, too. But I... I don't think I can be with you like that."

"But if you like me... why not? Why can't we..." He sighs. "Is this about Tobias? Are you still in love with him?"

I lean back against the headboard and my eyes search the ceiling as if the words I need will be written there. "I was in love with Tobias, yes," I say carefully. "But...this isn't really about him, Uriah."

"But at the bonfire that night..."

"I know. But I think... I think it's just, I didn't get a proper break-up. I didn't get any closure. One day he was there, and then he was just gone. This... this isn't really about him."

"Then what is it, Tris? Talk to me. Please. I can't stand you shutting me out like you have been."

"It's..." I feel the familiar pressure behind my eyes, the burning feeling of the tears I won't allow to escape. "I'm afraid to love you," I blurt out. "Everyone I truly love leaves me. Tobias... my mom." I pinch myself to push back the tears. I don't know why. Uriah has seen it all before.

Uriah's eyes soften, and he crawls over to me. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me close. "I get that. Dad is gone, Zeke moved away... I still have Mom, but I can understand how you would feel that way. But Tris, we've seen each other through the single worst days of our lives. We have seen the tears, the pain, all of it. We have gotten through it together. I'm not going anywhere, Tris. Whether we try this ― being together ― or we simply stay best friends, I promise you, I'll be there." Then I feel his smile where his cheek rests against my temple. "You won't get rid of me without a fight," he adds with a little chuckle.

"You promise?" I mumble into his neck.

"Cross my heart. I'd never lie to you Tris. Hell, it was a big risk telling you how I felt. But I have never kept secrets from you, and I'm not about to start now." He runs his fingers up and down my back lightly.

Secrets. Tobias kept secrets. He must have. There had to be a reason he left, but he didn't trust me enough to talk to me about it. But with Uriah, maybe things could be different, because he is different. I've always known it. It's why I have trusted him from the start. I just wish that really giving my trust, putting my heart on the line, wasn't so terrifying.