Something Entirely New (Rupphire)

Ruby Thoughts

More like a filler. Just some Ruby thoughts.

~Ruby's POV~

"Okay Sapphy. Goodnight."

"Good night Ruby." I kiss her forehead as she snuggles closer into my arms and drifts off to sleep.

But I'm wide awake.

Sapphire deserves so much better than this. Why did I say yes? Obviously, because I want her to be mine and I hers but there are so many problems with that. Sapphire has been through so much in her life so early. She literally deserves the world and I don't know if I can give that to her. But I want to so badly.

She'll be in so much danger with me and I knew that. I knew that the moment I searched for Sapphire at the party. She'll become an easy target to get to me. I already have so many enemies, and the numbers will only grow. Shit, there's already people targetting her at school with slushies! What if it gets worse? I can't let Sapphire get hurt because of me. I couldn't live with myself. I swear I'll protect her with my life, but I won't be able to be with her 24/7.

I could keep her or at least her house watched but that would be crazy creepy. And I can't even tell my dad about her so he could make sure she's safe because he doesn't even know I'm gay! He expects me to be his super tough, independent little girl who needs no one's help. But he doesn't get me. He wouldn't accept me like mom does... 

Oh! ANNNND I'M EXPECTED TO BE THE NEXT LEADER! After my dad decides to retire which is who knows when I'm next! If Sapphire is still with me by then will she even want that? Like yeah, she's okay with me now but she hasn't even seen my life to the full extent. It's nasty and illegal and she's basically dating an underground criminal! I've been trained to fight and kill and deal drugs in the dark, and jump people, and basically fit myself into a solider.

I was just about to accept my future before I met Sapphire too. Like I said earlier, I'm good at what I do. I don't even hate it. It's just NOT me! Dad was talking to me about the business and how one day soon it'll be mine. I had nothing else going for me during then. Yeah, I have baseball but I'm tied down to the business. To the gang. But now I have Sapphire. She's what I want my future to be. And if I have to, I'll do anything to leave the gang for her. I'd choose her. And I don't understand why I feel so sure about that but I do.

Sapphire turns in her sleep, making me jump a little. I turn to check the time. 1:47 am.

I never asked for this life. I didn't want to be born to a drug dealing, mafia gang dad. If mom wasn't in jail I'd probably have everything much easier. This is so dumb. I just want to be the kind, laid back, softie that I know I truly am. I don't want to be the solider I was shaped to be.

I want to be able to love freely! I want to be able to love Sapphire without being concerned for her life. Love? Shit. I'm actually falling in love with Sapphire. Great. Just perfect. Dad is going to LOOOOVE this when he finds out. 

I love Sapphire. 

This is so selfish of me. Did I even think of the consequences when I said yes to being her girlfriend? No. I was just so in love that it clouded my better judgment and I made the stupid decision of being her girlfriend!

...That sounds so wrong. No, I don't mean that. I-I really like being able to call her mine and I hers. I honestly want nothing more than to be her girlfriend. It-it's just too dangerous. She should have someone way better than me.

But earlier she said that she wants to have this life with me. That it was her choice and she chose to make me her end goal. Which makes my heart flutter just thinking of it. Will she change her mind when she sees what it's really like? If she does choose to stay around then I'll HAVE to introduce her to my dad if I want her to be protected.

I'm her end goal. She really means it. She wants me and everything I am. Just like my mom wanted dad.

I think I love her even more.

I'm gonna make this work. That's my final decision. No more bitching around, but I want her. I want this and so does she. And if it becomes too much for her and she wants to back out then I'll let her. No matter how much it would break my heart. I'll make us work so she can be happy, She deserves it.

I plan on being her everything. I'll protect her and love her and keep her happy. She's willingly giving up her safety to be with me. Her secure future. I have to make sure it's worthwhile. I'll talk to my dad, work up the courage to come out. He loves me too much to do anything about me being gay right? Let's hope.

2:32 am

This'll work. I can do it. I have to. For her and for us.