La Mort et ses Merveilles ✔

13. I Kissed a Boy and I Liked It

"Y-Yeah," I muttered, having been jolted out of my thoughts. "Sure."

I found myself standing by the large bed at the end of the trailer. With Cass.

"Actually," I said, breaking the silence. "Could I ask you one favour?"

"Anything for you," she said, a sweet smile on her cherub face. "What do you need?"

I gulped. I had to do this, I told myself. To see if I still felt something. I sure must have, I was straight after all. Yeah. . . Girls. I like them. At least, that's what I thought.

"Could you put your hand on my chest?" I asked. "And hold it there."

The girl frowned, a perplexed look on her face. Somewhat hesitantly, she finally put her palm on my chest. I could feel her touch against me. I took a deep breath and gulped.

She's a girl, so that means I must like it doesn't it? But I wasn't really feeling anything. No butterflies, no heart thumping , nothing at all. Maybe I was just nervous. I didn't remember it being that difficult with my ex, just a touch from her would've driven me wild.

"Go lower," I muttered under my breath.

Cass moved her hand down my chest, hovering over my stomach. I told her to go on, her hand tracing my abdomen. She looked confused, but as her hand kept getting lower I could finally feel the familiar stirring within me. But it was then when she probably realised what I was trying to do, and quickly pulled her hand away.

"Jason," she snapped. "What are you even thinking of?"

Feeling the blood rush to my cheeks, I could only hang my head in shame. What have I done? Was this considered sexual harassment? I couldn't imagine how Cass would've felt.

"I-I'm so sorry," I apologised frantically. "I-I wasn't thinking. I understand if you don't ever want to talk to me again. I shouldn't have done that."

Heaving a sigh, I sat down on her bed. I felt disgusting. In my own selfishness to figure myself out I had tried to take advantage of her. The guilt washing over me, I didn't know what to say. I had broken her trust.

She was initially shocked at first, but after a while I found myself seated beside her on the bed.

"Jason," she said, looking at me with concern. "Is everything alright? There's something wrong isn't it?"

I turned to look at her straight in her eyes. With a heavy heart, I knew I had to confess everything.

"It's about Leslie," I blurted out. "I don't know how to feel about him."

"What do you mean?" Cass said. "Do you. . .hate him or something?"

"I'm scared it's the opposite," I mumbled. "Maybe I'm catching feelings for him? But I don't know. I've only been with girls before."

I could feel the blood rush to the cheeks as I heard those words coming out from my own mouth. In a way, I guess I was admitting it. Yet a part of me still tried to vehemently deny my own feelings, how I felt for Leslie.

"Oh," the girl said, her expression a bit tense, like she was trying to hold something back. "So that's why you tried to get me to touch you. So you could feel something? Convince yourself that you're still straight?"

She read through me like a book. I could only nod my head in embarrassment, my eyes gazing at the floor. There was a heavy, awkward silence.

It was then when she burst out into a laugh. It was a small, timid giggle at first, before blowing up into an outright guffaw.