Even the Birds Can Sense It

eccedentesiast

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old sweaters with the sickening scent of your body once being on mine is why i daydream of the euphoria of us. memories of lazy days, wine stained upon our lips, it all came to me in a flashback of what tethers me to you.

you picked me up from around my waist and lifted me into the air for a brief moment. i held onto that breath, as i held onto you.

your hands reached over to my face, cupping it while rubbing your thumb softly across it. your dazzling eyes glimpsed back into mine, with a look on your face that i've never seen, or anticipated to see. there was a pause for a moment, but there was that sense of longing on your face; a longing for hunger.

you must have known what i was longing for, yet you didn't make a sound. not even a whisper. my eyes danced across your body until it reached your lips, and i succumbed to my cravings.

we kissed.

imperfectly.

but maybe that's what makes it seem so perfect about it.

you slipped your hands behind my neck with your thumbs next to my ears, and pressed our lips tight together as if you did let go, then the walls around us would crumble, and the sky would come tumbling down.

i liked the way your lips felt against mine. the sense of familiarity; the sense of need and desire. i could feel it coursing through our blood, the pumping of oxytocin bonding us to this one moment.

so i kissed you the way you were kissing me. with intensity, with compassion, like time was coming to a standstill. i dragged you towards me as i held your waist close to mine, tugging at your shirt, and deepening our kiss. the touch of your tongue against mine sent a small tingle down my spine. you sped up, our time-bomb ticking, threading your fingers through my hair.

i wanted to continue, but you stopped.

i wanted to kiss you one more time, but you pushed me away.

all because what i wanted was too hard for you. And i, being the selfish girl i was, always wanted more than than i should get.

but you used to be okay with that.

until that day.

our time-bomb had gone off. our noses had touched, and i allowed your breath to blow onto me, to feel you one last time.

maybe  it was then when you had decided to let me go.

to find someone new.

but  I never did.

"i should go," you whispered, your hands clinging to my neck. your eyes locked on mine, reflecting hidden signs of grief and loss. yet you smiled, wiped the tears of my cheeks, like the proud lion you are.

we stayed connected by the chain of our hands until it was time for me to let go. well, until i decided i should go, i should say.

i could see the outside, the blueness painted across the sky, the tufts of greys dispersed across it. it was too beautiful a day to leave you stranded to the one place i promised i would stay.

home.

now it was just yours.

now I am no longer just yours.

i wonder if you look outside from your window at your picturesque view, the blue and white hues reminding you of the melancholy i had created. if you can still feel the traces of my skin underneath your fingertips, how you loved to hold me close under the sheets we felt safe in.

do you still hear my giggle within those four walls, or have you had those wallpapered up to deafen the sound?

do you still see visions of me in traces of the trail of women i've heard rumours about?

do you...

as i clutch onto your jumper, the threads pulling apart, i cannot dare to ask such a question. i am yet miles away from you yet i can still hear your heartbeat as if you're still here with me.

oh, how i wished you were here with me. it gets cold without your cuddles. gets lonely without your touch.

i get lost in the daydreams you've tangled me up in. the sewing of your top can prove it, the thread intertwined with my fingers.

i was yours, and how i loved to say i was yours.

now i cannot stand to stay, but i cannot bear to leave this nightmare to find the reality of us is not an us.

but a You.

and i.

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