Hatred

Chapter 5

Back in LA

When I got off the plane Andy was stood waiting by the gates with the biggest bunch of flowers, as soon as he saw me he passed the flowers to Ashley who was stood next to him and we ran to each other and we met halfway and when we did, he spun me around in a circle and as he was putting me down we kissed and it was amazing.

When we got back home he showed me our bedroom, since I was moving in with him, the room he showed me turned out to be his room and I turned to him and said 'are we sharing' he chuckled and said 'if that's ok' I nodded and said 'yeah it's fine' he grinned and said 'good because I', doing something for the baby in the other room, but I'll be keeping it locked so that it's a surprise when we bring the baby home' I chuckled and said 'so I have to wait 4 months to see it' he smiled and said 'yep' I just chuckled and walked to the kitchen to make something to eat or should I say tried, before I even got to kitchen Andy shouted 'I'm cooking you a meal, you need to put your feet up and relax' I smiled and said 'does that mean I should hide all of the paper' I heard him gasp dramatically and say 'not my paper I was going to make my famous paper salad' I burst out laughing when he said that because he was always on about how nice paper tastes and knowing him he would actually make paper salad if it was left to him.

As I was laughing I all of a sudden got a really sharp pain in my side, as it got worse I screamed in pain and collapsed to the floor but Andy just caught me before I fully hit the floor and as I lay trying to get my breath back he said 'where does it hurt' i grabbed his hand put it under my belly where the pain was and I started to cry, because the only thought going through my mind was 'my baby is gone', but I didn't tell Andy in case the baby was still ok.

At the hospital

When we get to the hospital Andy carries me in, when they try to take me from him I cling onto his neck and say 'please don't let them take me without you' I felt a tear roll down my cheek and I realized I was crying and he turned to the doctor and said 'can I carry her in and stay with her' I heard a voice say 'since she won't let you go, yes you can' I felt Andy gently kiss the top of my head and he started walking mumbling soothing words to me the whole walk to the examination room.

After the doctor examined me he told me I had lost my baby, he told me there was nothing I could have done, but the whole time he didn't realize that I was blaming myself, he didn't realize how much I hated myself for letting my baby die, maybe if I did things differently he would still be here in my stomach 4 months away from being born, maybe he would have had a good life ahead of him, but no I did something wrong and I lost him.

When we got home Andy unlocked the nursery and let me into see it, as soon as I entered I broke down there was pictures of me Andy on the walls, there was blue cot on one side of the room and a pink one on the other side, I guess I never told him we was having a boy so he painted it 2 colours to match the sex of the baby.

As we sat in the middle of the room I turned to Andy to see silent tears rolling down his face and I asked 'Do you blame me?' he looked at me but he wouldn't answer me, so I took it as a yes and I packed my bags back up and left, I walked to the closest hotel and signed in the whole time wondering why he blamed me, didn't he really think I was capable of purposefully harming my baby, did he really think I was like that.