Love Is A Bitch

Devoted And Ashamed

Sarah was sound asleep when I crawled into bed beside her. I still had the smell of Ryan's cologne on my clothes, but she wouldn't know that smell enough the recognize it. I should have showered, but I was too tired.

When I woke up, Sarah was gone. She had planned to go get her hair done today, I remembered that. I stumbled to the shower, hungover as hell, and stripped down to wash the smell of alcohol and Ryan Ross off of me.

"Ugh, fucking hell." I groaned as I stepped out of the shower and dried off quicker than usual so I could answer my buzzing phone.

"Hey, Brendon?" I heard Sarah's voice on the other end, and I put on a happy tone despite my headache.

"Yeah babe, what's up?"

"When did Ryan leave last night?"

"Oh, like 2:30 or so. Why?" I pulled sweatpants on with one hand as she questioned me.

"Just wondering. Why didn't he stay over?" I laughed a little.

"Oh, he probably would've felt weird about it. I mean we haven't even been friends for years, you know?"

"Mm, yeah I can see where he's coming from. Anyway, sorry I was so out of it last night. I just needed to clear my head."

"Okay sweetheart, you go get your hair done and your nails and whatever else you want. Anything that'll cheer you up. I think I'm going to get some sleep."

"Alright, bye hun, I love you!" Sarah hung up, and I sighed with relief that she hadn't inquired too deeply about Ryan. She didn't seem suspicious, which was good.

I crawled back under the covers and was just about to drift off when my phone vibrated from a text.

"Jesus Christ." I muttered, picking it up. It was from Ryan.

If you aren't too hungover, smoke session later?

Now, I knew damn well I didn't need to be around Ryan right now, especially not around Ryan and weed. But I also knew that I wanted to be around Ryan and weed, so that's exactly the environment I was about to put myself in. I quickly texted back,

I'm never too hungover for a smoke session, I've got a few grams here and you can bring whatever you've got over.

I saw his name pop up as he was typing his response.

Alright, be there in twenty minutes.

With a sigh, I rolled out of bed and put a shirt on. The sweatpants were staying, but I figured I should be fully decent when Ryan arrived.

I went downstairs to get my papers and grav bong out, and put them in the studio with a bottle of Jack. I always smoked in the studio, and it hotboxed nicely if you closed the door to it.

I made myself a hot pocket and ate it while I waited for Ryan, and then skateboarded around my driveway for ten minutes until I saw him pull up.

"I don't know how you aren't still in bed right now, you were pretty damn drunk last night." I joked as Ryan and I went inside and down the stairs to the studio.
"God, I wasn't that drunk." Ryan rolled his eyes and sat on my piano bench, lighting up a pre-roll as I shut the studio door.

"Shotgun?" I asked as he inhaled. He nodded and motioned for me to come closer. I got on my knees so we'd be closer in height, and he exhaled the smoke into my mouth. Our lips were hovering over each other's, but he leaned back as soon as I'd inhaled.

"You wanna try the gravity bong?" I asked, starting to pack a bowl. Ryan nodded and passed me the pre-roll.

We finished the pre-roll and the first bowl pretty quickly, then we took a few shots of Jack, and smoked a blunt. We were both high off our asses now, and Ryan was giggling at everything, rocking back and forth on the piano seat.

He looked so good, his brown hair falling in his eyes, and his hands on the edge of the piano seat. I was sitting in my recording chair across from him, but I got on my feet and walked over to him.

"Ry, you look so, so good." I ran my right hand across his cheek and put my left on his thigh.

"Slow down now, Brendon." He giggled a little and licked his lips. "Sarah could be home any minute." He was right, but the smug look on his face told me he didn't care if Sarah got home any minute. And I didn't care either.

He pulled me closer to him by my collar and leaned back against the piano. He started to kiss my neck and collar bones, softly at first, but then starting to suck at my skin a little.

"Ryan, no marks." I reminded him as I moved my hands down his back. He arched his back in response to my touch, shuddering a little as I put my hands under his shirt, running them up and down his bare back. His lips had moved to mine now, and he seemed to be taking in as much of my mouth as he could, as if he hadn't kissed me before. To be fair, it'd been a while since we kissed like this.

"Bren-Brendon stop." He whispered, pushing me off of him and straightening up his shirt. We'd both heard the front door open, and we knew it was Sarah.

I looked rough, but I could blame it on the hangover if Sarah asked. Ryan, thinking quickly, pushed the lid off the piano and started to play.

"Things have changed for me, and that's okay..." He sang in a low voice, not missing a note as he played the song we'd written together. I sang along, but we both heard Sarah walk down the steps and press her ear to the door. Content when she heard both of us singing, she walked back up to the ground floor.

Once we heard her walking up to the bedrooms, Ryan stopped playing.

"Do you think she knows?" I asked, undertones of panic in my voice. Ryan smiled.

"Knows what? You and me spent the last four hours smoking and doing music. Fuck it, maybe we even played a game of poker." Ryan's smug and confident expression encouraged me.

"Alright, let's go upstairs and make some food like nothing ever happened, huh?" I suggested, laughing to hide the fact I was unbelievably aroused at the moment and couldn't do anything about it.

"Sure thing."