Depressed Magcon Imagines

Carter

You were at the hotel that your boyfriend, Carter, was staying at. You have been traveling with him to his different events for three months now. You're really tired and worn out, but it's worth it to be with him. You have been extremely depressed for about a year now, but you haven't been able to tell Carter. It has been a struggle the past three months not to not cut, but you've been doing your best because you don't want Carter to find out.

Carter and you walked to your hotel room, and Carter pushed you against the door and gave you a light kiss. He pulled back and tucked a piece of hair behind your ear.

"Babe, I have to go do an interview. I'll be back in about two hours or so. I'm sorry I have to leave you alone for so long. When you get back, we can do something fun." Carter said, pecking you lips one more time before walking away.

You walked into your room and slammed the door. This was the first time you had really been alone in the last three months. You slid down the door and cupped your hands over your mouth as you started to sob. You had so much pent up feelings inside of you, and they were coming out now. You fell to the side and hugged your legs into you while you sobbed. You thought about everything and nothing all at once. You shakily got up and crawled on the bed. You kept sobbing as you surrounded yourself with pillows and blankets , just so you could feel some sort of comfort. You didn't know you could cry this much, and you didn't know you needed to cry this much. Thousands of hate comments were being replayed in your mind. All of his fans hated you. No one understood who you really were. Being called a whore, slut, and bitch was a regular thing for you.

You stood up from the bed, your judgement clouded by the overwhelming screams of depression. You got out your razor and broke it apart, getting to the blade. When you got the blade out, you quickly pulled up the selves of your hoodie. You began cutting all up your arm. You used to only do your wrist, but you were beginning to run out of room. You made it up to the top of your arm with slashes all over your limb. Blood was everywhere on the floor, the sink, the mirror, and the walls. You went to take a step, and you slipped in your own blood. You were so hopeless and you felt so pathetic. You were ashamed of yourself for letting your mental health get to this point. You felt it was your fault you had depression, and that maybe if you tried harder, you would be happy right now. You were lying in your own blood crying, when you saw the clock out of the corner of your eye. It had been about an hour and a half since Carter had left you alone. You forced yourself to get up. You realized that you needed to fix the bathroom if you didn't want him to find out. You used all the towels you had to clean up the bathroom. You made sure there was no blood anywhere. You found a first aid kit that the hotel supplied, and wrapped a bandage around your arm to stop the blood from coming out. Because you were wearing a black hoodie, the blood that had come out before wasn't really noticeable.You called up room service, and they took all of the bloody towels and gave you brand new clean ones. After they left, your looked over the room, and thought that you were successful. You didn't think he would find out what you had done, or what had happened. You crawled into the bed once again, and wrapped yourself in the blanket. Your mind was back to the less intense numbing drone of depression, rather than the piercing screams of depression that rattled your mind and body earlier. Silent tears rolled down your cheeks, and you quickly wiped them away. Carter would be walking in any minute, and you couldn't have him see your tears. You heard the door opening and you took a deep breath and put a smile on your face.

"Hey babe" Carter said as he walked in the room.

"Hey, I missed you."you said as Carter came and sat next to you on the bed.

He grabbed your hand and rubbed his thumb along the back of yours before he spoke.

"So, you know how I said we would so something fun when I got back?" he said, and you could hear the excitement in his voice.

"Yeah, what were you thinking of"

"Well, the boys and Mahogany are heading down to this lake house that Cameron's family owns, so if you want to... You can get your stuff together and we can go have fun" Carter said, clearly expecting a yes.

You sucked in a breath. You weren't expecting those words to come out of his mouth. Of corse hanging out at the lake would be fun, but not with cuts all up your arm. You couldn't even think about what would happen if someone saw your cuts. It's not like you could exactly say no with out raising suspicion, though. You were trying to find the right words when you felt something running down your arm. You were confused for a second, but then you realized it was your blood. The bandages must have been soaked through.

"B- babe, why is there blood running down your arm. Is everything alright? Did you fall while I was gone?" Carter said as he lifted his hand up, which was now also covered in blood because he was holding yours.

"Uh um. Yeah I fell in the bathroom. Sorry. "

"Haha babe, why are you sorry? You can't help being clumsy, and you can't control you bleeding. Here let me see."

You didn't react quick enough to his last words. He pulled up your sleeve, only expecting a single injury, but he revealed hundreds of cuts.

"Oh my god" Carter said in shock.

You pulled your sleeve down and ran into the bathroom. You started crying again, thinking that he was going to leave you. "If you couldn't love your self, how could he? ", you thought to your self. Carter opened the door and pulled you into him. He picked you up and brought you back to the bed. You were sobbing into his shoulders, and your arms were wrapped tightly around him, not willing to let go. He ran his fingers through your hair, and rubbed your back.

"Babe, I'm sorry. I know you're embarrassed of me now. I'll understand when you walk away from me. I'm sorry." you said, in between your cries.

"Shh shh. Look at me, look at me, (y/n)" Carter said as he pulled you back.

Your tear filled eyes met his, and he put his hand to your cheek.

"I will never, ever leave you. I am here for you matter what. There will never come a time where I am embarrassed to call you my girl, and I will always always love you. There are not words to describe just how perfect you are, (y/n). You are so beautiful, and your personality reflects your appearance. You are the sweetest, most amazing person I have ever met. I love you so much, and I am going to be here to help you learn to love your self, too. Baby, I don't want to ever see cuts along your perfect skin that were brought there by yourself again. When ever you feel sad, when ever you need to let your emotions out, I need you to find comfort in me, not a cold piece of metal. Honey, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I couldn't do what I would do without your perfect self right by my side. I love you so so much, please don't ever forget that." Carter said, looking you in the eyes the entire time.

You had stopped crying by then, but you couldn't find the words. Instead, you bent down and kissed him hard, yet soft at the same time. The kiss was filled with passion and with love. This kiss was the promise between you both. Your promise to him was to try to get better, and his promise to you was to stand by you the whole way through.

You finished kissing, and Carter looked at you and smiled.

"We can still head to the lake if you want." he said.

"Carter, I really want to, but I just don't know. What will the others think when they see my cuts. "

"What the others think, doesn't matter, babe. You are perfect to me. If anyone has a problem with that, they'll have to be prepared to deal with me. It's us against the world, baby."

Carter pulled you into his chest and hugged you tightly. You got all of your stuff together, and headed to the lake house. While there, you had a ton of fun. When the other boys and Mahogany saw your arm, they of course were shocked and confused. You explained a little of your situation. In the end, they were all very supportive of you and brought you into a big group hug. They treated you no differently the rest of the day, and that's all that you could ask for. Late at night you and Carter walked down to the edge of the dock. You stuck your feet in the water and Carter wrapped his arm around you. You leaned your head against his shoulder, and for the first time, you were hopeful that things could get better.