Romanogers: Infinity Love

Part 14

Natasha
I stop there. The world fell silent. Only this time I realized what did I just tell him. Everything! Even the things that is in the very depths of my head. I thought I would never admit such a thing but it just slipped out! My mind was so clouded by my past, Ivan's evil plan, the death of the woman, Clint being hostage, and now Steve. I wasn't thinking straight!  I peaked on him through the side of my eyes not turning my head. I am too embarrassed to face him. He remained seated, immovable even. I shouldn't have said that! I wanted to punish myself for being so stupid. Now things will be much more difficult for god's sake! How can I escape from this now? But on the second thought.. maybe this is the God's way on turning the table. Yeah... this is actually it. I ruined our friendship by having feelings for him and this is destiny's call that my avenging time is over. That I should really leave.

Once again I glanced at him, scanning his reactions. His facial expression didn't changed. Shocked. Horror. Worried. It is all over his face. Those were the typical reactions right?  It is unlikely that he will be joyful on my sudden confession and will embrace me to his hold while we share our love in each other. It is not . It will never be because he is with his love. I expected that it will be like this. But still, a tinge of sadness erupted on me. I don't know why it pained me seeing him so worried about me loving him. Guess, I am really  a pain in the ass—and it hurts.

Steve
I couldn't react. My brain was befuddled by too many emotions I am not aware of. Natasha love me? Am I hearing it right? I play the words in my head over and over again and I am confused why I am having butterflies in my stomach. My eyebrows creased because of my inability to pinpoint what is this feeling gushing through my veins. What am I suppose to do in this situation?

"Hey..."Natasha caught me pinching the bridge of my nose. I looked at her from the long moment of staring in a bliss and it's just like a sword stabbed right through me when I saw her face. "Hurt."

" Forgive me. I know, this ... is not right. And I hate bothering you because of my stupid feelings." Hurt didn't vanished on her face. She even tried to smirk but failed and only managed to have a slight twinge on her lip. Her eyes bore sadness. Just sadness.

" From now on, things will be different between us. You can't act like we will be the same friends as before.  Actually moreof I can't act like a friend to you. And believe me Steve, I tried. I tried to fight the feelings to washed over me. But everytime you would embrace me, hold my hand, being worried about me or even just being there for me, I felt something— something I must not feel. And if I pretend that it is nothing, it would be unfair to you. While you genuinely care for me just for a friend and I took it differently." She took a deep breath like a big lump on her chest was removed. From complete sadness she now looked determined which made me curious.

"What are you implying, Natasha?"

" I have to stay away, Steve. And I' ll start it with you. By the way, you've got your answers as to why I'm avoiding you."

" You mean , you're gonna leave soon?"  I asked but it is more like a confirmation. She shot me a pleading look. Like it is inevitable on this situation. And even without answering me I knew it. Anger boiled up in me.

" Are you saying this to keep me away on helping you regarding Clint?" I suddenly felt furious that my tone is daunting.

Despite the raise in my voice , she still responded on a soft tone, still trying to convince me. "This isn't. Of course I don't want you to get hurt because of my own enemy but I am not the one who play  the feelings of others. "

" Aren't you? " I said accusingly and I regretted it the moment it slipped into my mouth.

She was surprised by my outburst. Her eyes started to well up again despite tremendous effort of not crying. A tear slide down on her cheek. But the moment it did she turned sideways and bit the inside of her cheek.

" I thought I've gain your trust. " She said and that stopped me. She bowed her head low preventing any eye contact.

" Natasha, look ..I...". I was about to reach up to her but she stand and stepped back away from me. We're like on a roller coaster. At first I was the one who was mad and now I am the one who would need to apologize. But I didn't mind. I didn't mind if I do it a thousand times as long as she'll understand that I'll be there no matter what. Debating wether to keep the distance that she put or to try and reach out, I stand up and think for a moment. Finally, when I see her more composed I stepped forward.

" I am sorry, Natasha. I trust you and I believe you. I just don't want the idea that you will leave and handle the problem on your own just because you thought it will be uncomfortable."

" You don't understand, Steve. I have to do this alone."

"How? How could I stay away when Clint is in trouble?  He's a friend. I'm not gonna sit here and do what—
nothing?!" Again I am in rage. I turned around backing her. I balled my fist in anger. Why is she so stubborn.?!

"That's exactly the reason why you should stay away! If you're gonna interfere then, my bestfriend might be a shattered memory! So are you!" She said through my back. Our
argument is starting to intensify.

"I'm not going to interfere. I'm gonna help."

"I don't need your help!"

"Why?!"

Looking back, I grasped both her shoulders pinning her towards the wall.

"Why are you doing this, Natasha?" I snarled. My anger is consuming me now. Why can't she understand that I wanted to help her? I actually don't know why I get so furious easily.

Shock was all over her face due to my strength.

"This isn't your fight, Steve!"

"I know it isn't. But its yours, that's why I'm willing to help. We sacrifice for our family."

" I'm no one's family."

"Can't you just let us be?"

She just stared into my eyes and I locked mine at hers. Both eyes are taunting. To my confusion, my anger was gradually replaced by unknown feeling. It took time before I realize I was so close to her, so close that I could see her pupils dilated. That her every breath reaches my face. That her lips is only inches away from mine. My breathing become heavy and I can feel waves of heat radiating up my entire body. What is this? I look up at her eyes as if I was searching for something. That didn't help at all since it only leads me on staring at her longer. Her cheeks were flushed and at the very moment my eyes laid on hers the beating of my heart becomes louder that I almost hold on to my chest to stop it. What is happening to me? Before I embarrass myself I did released her in my grip. Her shoulders relaxed that only explain how tight I squeezed them earlier.

"You can't just leave. "

And those are my last words  before leaving her room.I just hope in God she'll do the right thing.