INSTANT REPLAY | REDDIE

- 03 | INSTANT REPLAY

♥

"I don't want to talk about it," Eddie grumbled. He avoided the doctor's eyes deliberately, forcing his gaze to anywhere else in the room so he wouldn't have to look at her.

"Are you sure?" The woman asked gently. "It seems like it's bothering you. I'm here to help you, Eddie. Sometimes discussing such matters really does lighten the load." Eddie smiled bitterly but masked it with The Face, attempting a pleasant outer appearance.

"I appreciate your concern, but really, I can handle it," he insisted. The woman frowned, glancing at his mother, who looked at him with a dark expression. She had guessed that he had a bad dream when he woke up that morning almost too tired to go to school— at least, for her standards. He knew he looked terrible. Pale, with dark circles under his eyes,  hands still shaking. He hoped his friends hadn't been too worried when he didn't come into school that morning.

"Alright." The woman's voice took on a much more authoritative tone, and when she sat up with her legs crossed and her hands linked within her lap she suddenly looked much more professional. Eddie eyed her warily, muscles beginning to tense. She frowned, tilting her head a bit and just observing him for a moment. "What are you so afraid of, Mr. Kaspbrak?"

I'm afraid of waking up to find that just like my aspirator followed me into my dreams, the Syph can follow me out.

"I'm not afraid of anything, ma'am. I just have dreams, that's all." He fought to keep his voice steady, but he knew it was shaking a little bit. "Dreams about my friends where we do things like build a dam in the Barrens and jump off the Quarry for a midnight swim. Stuff like pouring soda on a bully's head and running away from the movie theaters before he can catch up, except he always does anyway." Eddie watched her expression morph into one of slight wonder and confusion as he continued.

"Dreams where I get into rock wars to save a black boy from the racist bully. Dreams where drunken train conductors throw boxes at me to take home and they have lobsters in them that I refuse to eat, because who knows where those lobsters had been? Dreams where I'm just watching the trains go by, and a hobo with the Syph crawls out from underneath the porch of number twenty-nine Neibolt Street and starts to follow me around, offering me a—" Eddie broke off, drawing his knees up to his chest and holding them there. He knew he had gone stark white, even paler than he had been before. Anxiety churned in his stomach. He hadn't taken his pills that morning, his mother dragged him away too quickly.

"Never mind," he whispered brokenly. "Never mind. I don't want to talk about it." The doctor's eyes were very wide, and her wonder had changed to horror and astonishment. Eddie looked away again, unwilling to see the pity that was always there. Always.

"I want to keep him overnight," the woman said suddenly, and Eddie flinched. He hated overnight stays. They would hook him up to a number of machines and receptors for his brainwaves and heart rate before he fell asleep. If it got to anything alarming, they would wake him up, which was the most disorienting experience Eddie had ever had. He hated being woken up in the middle of his dreams. He felt extremely out of place for at least an hour after. Sometime she had to remind himself of the things that existed in 2018.

"This is for your own good, Eddie Bear. You've got to start trusting these people more. They're trying to help you." Sonia shook her head, pursing her lips. Eddie frowned miserably, hugging his knees tighter and hiding his face in them. The papery gown was by far one of his least favorite parts because it made him feel small and exposed which automatically led to 'vulnerable' in his mind. Not to mention the fact that he had to take it off for the sleeping part, leaving him in nothing but his underwear so they could stick all of the wires and processors onto him.