Break up/ Break down

No tears left

Sitting on the ground, hugging my knees tightly while tears are streaming down my burning hot cheeks. Unable to say anything, the only action I can do is crying. 

My phone lights up the complete time. His name appearing with messages and missed calls. Filled with anger towards him and myself I threw it on my cupboard. I recognize a noise, as if something got shattered. But I don't give a damn. Right now I can't think straight and I don't want to. My main function yet is weeping, nothing more. I hide my face in my knees, feeling the liquid which left my eyes, running down my calf. 

After a while, my inner clock doesn't work anymore, my ears give attention to a knocking on my entrance. I tried to ignore it, but the noise doesn't vanish, in contrary it gets louder. "Please open the door" I become aware of his voice, the voice I loved to hear, which made me smile. But now it just let me loose more tears. I don't want to hear him, he should stop. He needs to stop. "Please" his tone is shaking. It breaks my heart even more. I press my knees closer to my body. I mumble "go"swallowed under my breathing and weeping. The tapping stops and my view drifts up to my main entrance. "Please..." his voice broke down. It feels like my heart is being crushed together. It hurts like hell to hear him like that. Just this wooden door is between us. I want to crash it open and run out, hugging him as tightly as I can. But.

But why? Why does it hurt me so much? Why do I care? ..Because I loved him. Because I love him. Why? I hate him so much. I hate myself. I do love him..

"STOP" i yelled "LEAVE" I screamed with a complete broken and hoarsely voice, "please" I whisper, "stay" included my heart. Followed by even more hot tears. 

After hours just sitting and thinking, without any tears left, I hear him finally leaving.. As he went I sobbed some more.

After a little more time passed, I stood up and went to the wardrobe. My phone is still working, but the screen is shattered. I press the button to reveal my background and every news I got. 21 missed calls, 36 messages in our chat, which I loved so much. My view drift to the broken frame. The glass spread everywhere on the surface and a few pieces on the ground. In the frame is a picture of us in Busan. This was our first vacation, we were so happy back there. Both of us smiling and giggling. I can hear it again, with the waves in the background. And this is now all over, this will never happen again.