Phineas and Ferb: Semper Phineas

Doofenshmirtz....

Perry The Platypus
Agent P
1043
May 25th, 2013

I turn off the helicopter's cloaking device as I make my final approach to Doofensmirtz's headquarters. Then I hear that jingle again.

*Play The Video*

I swear, I go insane every time that stupid jingle plays! I don't even know where it comes from! Errgh!

As I begin to hover above the terrace, I see the floor open up to reveal a black device with several rods out to its side. My eyes go wide. A Surface To Air Missile Launcher.

I watch as a laser emit from the launcher and lock into the helicopter.

Without thinking, I quickly unbuckle myself and was about to leap out of the helicopter.
But before I could leap out of the helicopter, I stop myself. I feel like I'm forgetting something.

I turn around to see all my gear stuffed in the back, as if it was waiting for me. Oh right, my gear.

I hear the Launcher fire it's Missiles. I couldn't waste anymore time.

I grab the pack full of my gear and jump out of the helicopter. I pull my chord and it deploys a large parachute with red and white markings....with my face plastered all over it.

Man, the OWCA makes some pretty boneheaded decisions every now and then.

I watch as the missile flies towards the position my helicopter was and completed miss the thing. I sigh with relief.

Suddenly, I hear another SAM rocket fire off from the battery. I watch as the missile flies for my now abandoned, and falling,  helicopter, and within a few seconds, an explosion rocks the air, bright orange and red flashes of light emitting in the air. I look away from the explosion, my eyes shut tight.

After the noise died down, I open my eyes to see the air filled with smoke and haze. I look down to the ground in fear, only to see....no debris? What the? No metal, no glass, no shrapnel, nothing. What did Doof shoot at me, or more specifically, the helicopter?

Luckily for me, the explosion blew me closer to Doof's terrace. Well, maybe "luckily" was a bit of a stretch because as I closed in on the terrace, I saw hundreds of medium sized figures emerge from Doof's lair. It looked like they were crudely painted purple and had ill-fitting berets on their perfectly spherical heads. Wait a minute....crudely painted bodies, small-medium sized, perfectly spherical heads? Hundreds of them? Oh, you have got to be kidding me!

After what felt like forever being suspended in the air, I finally landed on the deck and I was immediately swarmed by these tiny figurines, their tiny guns pointed at me. I knew I could take them, my instincts urged me too, but I fought back with logic. If I engaged, they can immediately overwhelm me, and besides, I have no idea what Doof did too their guns.

Dejected, I raised my hands into the air. A few soldiers behind me hit my legs from behind and I was brought down to my knees.

I look up to see a figure of 6'2 emerge from the shadows, although he looked shorter cause of his hunch. I expected him to wear his typical white lab coat, just as any other day. However, he looked....different today. He was wearing a pressed purple uniform with golden epaulettes resting on his shoulders, a small black beret somehow balanced on his pale, triangular head. In his gloved hands was a riding crop, and he kept slapping it on his open right palm.

Doofenshmirtz.

"Ah, Perry The Platypus," he croaked with a toothy smile, "I see you met my little army of toy soldiers,"

I just stare at him, giving him the death stare.

"I know, I know, it seems stupid, but what you see as stupid I see as my key to ruling the Tri-State Area!!! Allow me to explain, you see, as I was plotting my next inator, I got bored and decided to turn on the TV. It was set onto this animated movie about a bunch of toy soldiers coming to life and terrorizing some kid, I didn't really give a hoot about the movie, but it gave the idea of turning innocent little toys into destructive, cold blooded, emotionless weapons of evil, with me being their all-powerful general!"

I was legitimately petrified by that. Of course, Doof's usually nothing more than a nuisance, but today he actually seems like a credible threat. I mean, toy soldiers that can kill... that's scary. Well, assuming their weapons work, which I'm sure they did. I hid my fear pretty well apparently, because Doof didn't really notice, he just kept talking on and on and on...god I hate his monologues, it gives me a good reason to beat him up, well besides being evil.

"So, you may be wondering, how can I turn toy soldiers into actual soldiers? Well..." he said, wheeling out a draped device, "Behold! My Militant-Inator!!!!"

The device was a large ray gun with a giant magazine sticking out of its left side. It stood on a single thick rod and had a camo finish to it. It wasn't special in appearance, but it nonetheless look like a credible machine.

"This machine can turn any object, living or not, into a warrior with an intense penchant for aggressiveness! Allow me to demonstrate." He pulled out a box (literally a box) of toy soldiers and placed it in front of the inator. He pulled out one toy soldier and walked towards the inator. He placed the soldier in front of the ominous ray.

"So after I take aim at the little guy," he said as he positioned the machine so it pointed to the toy, "I press this button," pointing to a big red button and slamming it with a fist, resulting in a giant green beam emitting from the ray and creating a puff of smoke, "and voila!"

After the smoke settled, the figure was looking around and was thrashing his bayoneted rifle in the air like a psycho.

"Well, the downside is that the guns don't actually work, and that the only way to make them passive again without building another inator is too apply enough force onto them to snap them out, but that should be no issue..." Doof muttered.

Despite that, my eyes grew wide, and I began to get that urge again.

Showtime.

I quickly stand up and lunge at Doofenshmirtz, latching myself to his uniform and began to punch his head multiple times.

"Ahh, what the?" He cried as he tried to lash at me. He then turned to his army, an evil glare plastered on his face. "Why are you standing around doing nothing! Get the platypus!!!" He yelled.

As I punched the back of his head, I turn to see the hundreds of soldiers stare at me and brandish their sharp, but tiny, bayonets. I hit my watch and before I know it, I'm covered head to toe in armor made from a light but durable metal alloy my hosts created. Don't ask how the agency got a hold of the alloy, even I don't know.

I spin Doof around and punch him so hard he careens into a pile of lifeless toy soldiers. I turn back around to the swarm of toy soldiers, their bayonets brandished and pointed at me.

I smirk. This is gonna be fun.