Cliche (Lams)

Chapter Ten

Alec Pov
I woke up in my room.
Right.
Panic attack thing.
Oh deary me, was that so much fun. God kill me.

I sat up quickly, ruffling the blankets.
I wiped my eyes.

"You good bro?" Laf asked, leaning on my doorway.

"Y-Yeah. I just..yeah. I'm good." I said, nodding my head more reassuring myself than Laf.

"You sure? You kind of look...pale...More than usual." He asked, waltzing into my room.

"I'm fine. I don't know. I'm sorry." I said.

"What are you apologizing for? You haven't done anything wrong." He told me, sitting on the edge of my bed.

I stared off into space and then asked, "Is it hot in here?"

"What?"
"Is it- nevermind. I'm just an idiot." I muttered.

"No you aren't." He reassured.
"Well I did some idiotic stuff today. Did you hear? I shouted at a teacher and John punched him." I told Laf, sitting up.

"You did what?" Laf asked, a smile going across his face.

"Yeah He was being a total and pretentious asshole so John punched him. I-I would've never been able to do that though. John's pretty cool." I said, smiling softly.

Laf chuckled and got up. I held my head and my hands.

"Hey, you want to play video games or something?" Laf asked.

"Nah, I got homework." I said, taking my head out of my hands.

"So? You can do it later. Just...loosen up." Laf said.

"It's a lot harder then you think when your brain is hardwired to work and only work." I muttered, rubbing my hand through my hair.

"We could go to Joh-"
"Okay."
"...I didn't even finish my sentence. I could be planning Johns murder."

"Sorry for assuming you're not a psychopath that murders their friends. So I'm just saying that the rest of your sentence would go somewhat along the lines of going to Johns house and messing with Fucking Sally." I said, rolling out of my bed.

"...Jesus you're so smart sometimes that it scares me." He said under his breath.

I smirked.
Yeah it could be that...or maybe I just want to be around John.

"Im going to put on some shoes on. Let's go in about ten minutes, yeah?" "Aight." I replied quickly.

He gave a short nod and left my room, closing the door.

I glanced at the mirror and looked away quickly. I never like what I see in mirrors...but it's been so long since I've really...
looked.

I guess I really stopped looking in them when I started be starved by my old foster parents.

I'd hate seeing my bony figure and
I hated seeing my blue violet eyes that stood out and I hated knowing that was actually me.

That's actually what people see.
Any optimistic person would say, 'Whaaat? No! They see your personality!'

But I know that's not the truth.
I know I look like a god damned idiot all the time.
No matter what I do.

My eyes slowly drifted back into the mirror. I lifted up my shirt ever so slightly and immediately saw that I still looked unhealthily underweight.

I'm trying my best.
I lifted it a little higher and saw my ribs.

My breath caught in my throat when I saw the scars staining my chest.

I pulled my shirt down instantly and wiped my eyes, despite there being no tears falling down my face.
My eyes just felt glassy.

Someone save me.
Quickly.
I'm drowning in my own thoughts.

The dark is rushing towards me faster then ever and I can't fucking stop it.

I take the pills,
I started eating,
I don't get beaten.

Why?
It should be better!
Why isn't it better?!

Why do I think about suicide more than graduation?
When's the last time I showered?
Why don't I fucking care anymore?

I'm so tired.

I fell back on my bed.

Laf came into my room.
"Are you alright?" He asked.

"I'm fine."