Iridescent

CHAPTER 7

Amy sucks in a sharp breath.

"You know what's sadder? She didn't even get to finish her sentence. She could only say 'Jai, you know what?' And I never got to know what.

"I went into a period of depression after that. Not depression exactly, but I would just distance myself from everyone. I threw myself into work, day and night.

"I didn't sleep much. I didn't dare to because the only thing I saw was Rupali. Rupali everywhere, her beautiful smiles, her melodic laugh her incomplete sentence filling my mind, evading my senses completely!
Whenever I would go meet my parents or friends, I would receive these looks of pity. It was so infuriating! I knew that they were worried about me, but I couldn't help it. It made me angry. I had just lost the love of my life to death!

"After a period of silent mourning and utter grief, I went into this state of denial. I think it was my heart's way of protecting itself from further damage. I refused to believe she was dead.

"Her physical presence wasn't there in my apartment. So what? I hung photos of her, of us, everywhere. I still had the memories, which no one could snatch from me. I would keep talking to the pictures, pretending it was her. The first thing I did after waking up was smile at her and kiss her. I would return from the office and go kiss her, speak to her about the happenings of the day, pretending she was listening. Because it was easier that way. Pretending.

"But as they say, you can't pretend forever. The reality came crashing down on me. The reality that she will no longer talk to me, listen and smile at me, caress my face after a long and tiring day, finally, came crashing down.

And that hurts. Like a bitch."

I finish and sigh painfully.

"Jai, first of all, thank you for telling this to me. It means a lot.

"What happened, shouldn't have. But life's not fair always, is it? We've all had our fair shares of injustice. I won't say I understand how you feel,  because I don't. I don't know how it feels to lose your soulmate. But I will definitely tell you that moping around isn't going to lessen your pain. It will only increase them.

"The only logical thing you can do is move on. You don't have to forget her, get rid of all things which remind you of her. Accept it. Acceptance is sometimes all the solution you need. It's all the closure you need.

"I don't know Rupali personally, but she seems like an amazing girl. And I know that she would've wanted you to be happy in your life. She deserves to see you happy, doesn't she? "

I listen to her, which is a first. I've been given speeches like this a million times. I would just nod my head. But this time, I actually listen. I hear.

The words aren't foreign to me. I have heard the exact same. Before, I would just ignore them. But now, I feel like trying. It would make everyone happy, even Rupali.

If so many people have said the same thing to me, there has to be some truth in it, right?

But I don't think I can move on from Rupali just like that. It will take time. How much, I'm not sure. But if I want to make Rupali happy, I guess I'll have to accept how things turned out, however difficult it is for me.

I tell her exactly that.

"Don't move on because you want to make Rupali happy. Moving on isn't about her, it's about you. It's about how you feel, how you lead your life after that, " she says.

I nod.

"Thank you so much, Amy. Really. I don't know what I would have done, " I say genuinely.

She smiles. "No worries, Jai. You really are a nice guy. I hope you live your life the way you were before her death. And always remember, moving on doesn't mean forgetting them. They will always remain in your heart. You will always remember them, cherish the memories you've shared. But you have to understand. Accept what's going on and continue living. That's life for you."

"Yeah, I guess."

We continue sitting there, in silence, eating our, now melted, ice cream. After about an hour, I turn to look at her and tell her to leave from here, but she's already asleep.

I feel guilty.

My problem wasn't hers. Yet, she stayed up for me. I continue looking at her. She looks so peaceful, laying on the ground, her mouth slightly ajar.

After a few more minutes of doing nothing, I see that the sky is colored in beautiful shades of orange and purple.

I quickly wake Amy. She wakes up, startled.

"What? What happened?" she asks, urgently.

I smile. "Nothing. I woke you up in time to see the sunrise."

"Oh," she relaxes.

We turn to the sky and continue to stare at it, mesmerized, with a feeling of calmness.

Amy turns to me. "To new beginnings, huh?"

"To new beginnings, " I repeat with an uncertain smile.

***
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