Interviewing Bella Cullen (Yes, she really is that stupid.)

Interviewing Justin Bieber (face it, we all know he needs to hit puberty)

Interviewer:

Good evening, everyone, and good evening, Justin!

Justin Bieber:

Good evening.

Interviewer:

So, let's cut to the chase. Why did you want to become a pop star for preteens?

Justin Bieber:

Well, I'm supposed to say because I love music. But I mean, I don't even do anything in my songs; it's not the music I love. It's the adoration and ego stroking! I feel so desirable!

Interviewer:

I see. Well, all of your songs are certainly full of adoration as well, for someone else. Who is the lucky girl?

Justin Bieber:

I should say my girlfriend. But I don't have one! You see, I don't actually write my own songs. I just sing them and take credit for them!

Interviewer:

I see. ERm - are you sure you want the public to be knowing this?

Justin Bieber:

WHAT?? i thought this was a private interview!

Interviewer:

Well, you do have an audience. Look at the hundreds of people drinking up your every move!

Justin Bieber:

NO! I don't accept it. And i am the almighty Bieber, so I command you all to disappear!

I command you all to disappear!

WHY AREN'T YOU DISAPPEARING??

Interviewer:

Justin, that won't work.

Justin Bieber:

But my daddy said I'm special, and can be whatever I want! And I want to be the person who makes them diappear!

Interviewer:

Okay, someone close the curtains.

*the curtains close*

Justin Bieber:

See? What did I tell you! The scary people are all gone!

Interviewer:

Sure.

Now, we've been getting a lot of complaints that your song lyrics are too old for yourself and the audience you sing for. What is your say on this?

Justin Bieber:

Of course they're not! I mean, I talk about banging girls all over the place and such, but I mean, the kids take sex ed, don't they?

Interviewer:

Some of your fans are THREE YEARS OLD.

Justin Bieber:

Psshhh. I can sing about whatever I want. In fact, I was thinking about asking for my next song to be written about llamas.

Interviewer:

And that's our time. Join us next time, hopefully with Jacob Black - he is proving to be rather elusive towards our attempts to interview him.