What You're Not | ✔

50. Collide

I gave her a sharp glance. "I don't get mushy."

"You get mushy," she cooed. "He makes you mushy. You should talk to him and tell him how you feel."

"Why? So he can reject me again?"

"Or he'll realize how silly it is to throw away your whole relationship over something that was completely out of your control."

She sounded so sure that everything would work out. I wanted to have a positive outlook on life like she did. My expect-the-worse outlook had been the topic of a few of my talks with Dr. Anderson. She told me to do things that scared me more often, advice I hadn't yet taken. Maybe it was a good time to try it out.

"Okay."

Nikki stopped so quickly it jerked me back since I was still holding on to her. "What did you just say?"

"I'll talk to him."

"Now?"

The terrified part of my brain tried to talk me out of it, but my mind was made up. "Now."

I turned back in the opposite direction, hoping Miles hadn't disappeared into the crowd of shoppers. Just as I rounded the corner I collided with yet another person. Another familiar face peered down at me as I tried to regain my footing. Miles.

He had gripped onto my elbows to keep from falling. The contact made me realize how much I had missed his touch. Words escaped me as I gazed into his emerald eyes.

"Hi."

I wanted to say something back, but my mind was blank. I'd been thinking about what I would say to him for weeks and had come up with...nothing.

He dropped his arms, either realizing I could stand on my own or taking my silence as a sign that I didn't want him to touch me.

"Uh, can we talk?" He glanced around at the shoppers that flooded the mall. "Privately?

I nodded, maybe a little too eagerly. The two of us stepped out into cold December air, finding an abandoned bench to sit on.

"Sorry," he said, a puff a white accompanying the word. "For avoiding you. I just couldn't—"

"It's fine," I interrupted, already knowing what was coming next and not wanting to hear it. "I get it. You can't date the person involved in the death of your sister. I blame myself too."

Dr. Anderson was good at her job, but not even she was able to convince me that I wasn't partially responsible for the accident.

He shifted so he was completely facing me, his brows pulled together. "I don't blame you."

That didn't slow my racing heart. I saw his face when I told him. That was the face of someone who wanted nothing to do with me.

"You walked away." The pain of the memory felt as fresh as the day it happened.

"It was a lot to take in."

"And you agreed we should break up," I reminded him. "Then you stopped talking to me for weeks. Why would you do all of that if you didn't blame me?"

"It's not that I blamed you. It's just..." He exhaled, his shoulders sagging. "Knowing you were in the car, it felt like it felt like I was betraying her by being with you. For falling in love with you."

My eyes shot up to meet his. My heart felt like it was about to jump out of my chest. He loved me? I blinked away tears, sure I'd heard him wrong. "What?"

"I tried to deny it. Ignore it. But I'm in love with you." His eyes locked on mine as he said it, like he knew I had trouble believing him and wanted to make himself clear. "I know you don't believe things happen for a reason, but I do. And I don't think this, us meeting, was a random coincidence. I think we were brought together for a reason."

I didn't understand his belief that everything happened for a reason until that moment. The world worked in weird ways. It brought people into your life when you needed them most. And the world knew that Miles and I needed each other.

"I think that too," I said, my voice thick with held back emotions. I wanted to hug him. I wanted him to hold me, but I didn't want to jump ahead.

His lips twitched into a small smile. "You're not going to call it weird or creepy?"

I let out a small laugh, shaking my head. "Your optimism must've rubbed off on me."

The smile on his face grew as he cupped my face in his hands, resting his forehead on mine. "These past few weeks have been hell not talking to you."

"You played it off well," I said, grabbing a fistful of his hoodie and pulling him in closer. His hands fell to my waist and soon there was no space between us on that bench.

What I felt for Miles scared me. There was nothing keeping me from giving myself to him completely. He knew everything—the good, the bad—and he was still willing to try with me.

My chest tightened, filling with emotions that could on be released one way. "I love you, too."

The grin that spread across his face knocked the wind out of me.

One small movement and his lips were on mine. I melted into him. It was like kissing him for the first time. In a sense, it was. I wasn't the same person I was all those weeks ago. So afraid of the past that I didn't allow myself to have a future.

From that moment on, it was about the present. No looking back. No running away. Just enjoying the moment.