Willfully Blind

CHAPTER 12 Doomed from the Start

She turned the television on, hoping to escape her thoughts for a while, just looking for a needed distraction. She flipped to the cooking channel and lied over on the sofa. The chef was preparing stuffed peppers, and for a second, she considered jotting down the recipe and preparing it for Dirk. Snapping back to reality, she flipped the channel again to the fashion network.

It wasn't long before her eyes became weighty. Sleeping had been a struggle for the last few nights, and it was finally catching up with her. Probably related to her earlier snappy exchange with the ladies.

It was several hours later when Dirk stood over her, shaking her awake. She turned over and glanced up at him.

"What?" she responded, blinking rapidly, trying to focus.

"Hey. You're going to have a crick in your neck." He sat next to her on the edge of the couch. She was susceptible to getting knots even when she was just lying the least bit different. Lisa lifted her head and groaned.

"Too late, I already do." She carefully turned onto her back.

"What time is it?" she asked, more of herself. She took a glanced at her watch and was surprised to see she had slept for nearly two hours. She couldn't remember the last time she had taken such a long nap.

"Come lie down. I'll get the knot out for you." Dirk pulled the remote from underneath her and stood. He clicked the TV off and tossed the remote onto the coffee table.

"Come on." Dirk offered his hand, demeanor casual and laidback. It was as if no conflict existed between the two of them whatsoever. She stared at him for a moment before, reluctantly taking his hand. She considered telling him to buzz off. She knew his game; could see it a mile away. But her neck did hurt, and since he had exceptional skills in the massage department, she figured it was the least he could do.

Dirk guided her into their bedroom and disappeared into the bathroom. Still half asleep, Lisa slipped off her t-shirt and crawled onto the unmade bed, sports bra still on. Dirk returned, took off his sweats and tossed them on the ottoman at the foot of their bed.

"Here, wait...take these off." Dirk began pulling at Lisa's yoga pants.

"For what?" Her curt response was instant. Forgetting about her neck, she jolted her head over her shoulder, getting a sharp reminder. She turned over, whimpering, frustrated she had managed to get herself in that position.

"I was gonna do a whole-body massage while I'm at it...or did you want me to just work out the knot..."

Without responding, she turned back over, allowing him to pull her pants off.

Climbing onto the bed in his boxers, he pulled his t-shirt off and tossed it onto the floor. Dirk having brought the baby oil from the bathroom, applied a small amount in his hand and tenderly began massaging her neck.

He said nothing, and she resisted the urge to tell him how good it felt like she always did. She was sure he knew because every now and then she would unintentionally allow a soft moan to escape her lips. It was like he'd gone to school for it, working his fingers deep into what felt like every crevasse of her muscles. She still couldn't understand how hands so soft, so loving could be attached to such a deceitful man.

He moved down her back, then to other areas of her body. It reminded her of one of those so-called massage parlor scenes in the movies. It wasn't long before his hands began to roam in other areas in the pleasing way he knew how. She lay there, telling herself to stop him. Just a little bit longer, she thought, naïve in thinking she would be able to ever turn back. She was pretty sure he regarded her as a fool, thinking he could so easily get back into her good graces. She was doomed from the onset and in retrospect should have taken a shower and let the hot water work out the kink.

It didn't take long for them to find themselves engaged and he pleased her as he had so well for so many years. He knew her body as if it belonged to him. And of course, it betrayed her, responding just as he intended it to. She was purposely quiet, looking for just an ounce of pride she could hold on to for that moment.

After, she lay next to him feeling ill at ease and weak, her mind racing with thoughts about what he was doing and with whom. The potential was vast, as far as she was concerned. He was always meeting at the bar to watch a game with his boys or hanging out with some "friend" she'd never heard of. She even wondered about his coworkers, like the cute Latina girl she had met at his office Christmas party last year. Lisa was put off by their little inside office witticism, feeling left out. She wasted no time on the way home in asking him point blank if he had something going on with her. He denied anything other than friendship between coworkers and called her paranoid.

Lisa was wide awake with those crazy thoughts going through her mind when she noticed Dirk snoring softly. For reasons she knew were senseless, she was pissed and contemplated waking him. Easy for him to find sleep while she laid there tormenting herself. She resented him at that moment and thought about getting out of bed and taking that hot shower. Although the kink was gone, she figured it might settle her down. Then she remembered an old method her mother taught her as a child to help her fall asleep during thunderstorms. She picked a song, something she could hum in her head, and eventually, she would fall asleep. Lisa chose Miles David's "Enigma" one of her dad's favorite jazz songs. Lying there humming, she thought of him and wondered what he would think of her relationship with Dirk. Moments later, she felt herself drifting off.