Shit Happens [REWRITING SOON]

8. Poopy Pants

And then I got it. Elle. She had the perfect house for it, with a balcony over the doorway. She could get his phone number and we'd anonymously invite him to her place. He wouldn't even know it was her house. But it would have to be when her family wasn't there. Man, this was going to be awesome

"Jaycee? Can you wet me down?" asked Max. I hadn't realised I had finished changing his diaper and was just holding him there for no reason.

"Oops, sorry Maxie."

And that was the last I saw of him until my parents got back home.

After he had rushed back downstairs, I immediately pulled out my phone and dialed a number.

"Hey Elle..." I began when she picked up.

Look out, Patty. Your going to be the one with poopy pants soon.

On your head.

•••

"Come on, Elle, please! I'll do anything. Anything. Just please do this! You always want to be involved in my paybacks anyway!" I exclaimed through the phone. Originally I thought it would be easy, seeing as Elle always wanted to be in my pranks, but nope. The one time I actually need her help, she's goes all bullshit mode on me to get out of it. Apparently she's allergic to poop.

"I can't Jaycee!" she had said.

"Uh, why not?"I asked.

"'Cause I'm allergic to shit!"

"Well how the fuck do you get it out of your ass?"

She never answered that. See I believed she was bullshitting me with that part.

"I'll do it if you buy me a pair of those converse that I wanted, plus that two hundred dollar dress I desperately need but can't afford, and also bake me a massive chocolate mud cake with five different levels, ice-cream, whipped cream, crushed Oreos and Mars bars with a sprinkling of Skittles," she replied.

"Elle, you do realise that I'm no made of money?"

"Well, that's too bad. Looks like you don't need my help."

"Fine. But don't get too pissed if I can't afford the dress and the converse till five years later."

"Eeek! Thank you Jaycee, I'll be right over!" and the end of the line went dead. I was rubbing my ear because of how loud she squealed into it.

When I heard the ring of the doorbell echo through the house, I reluctantly got up. Reluctantly, because I had made a beautiful butt groove in the sofa and I was unwilling to let my hard work go to waste.

"Come in, Elle!" I called as I walked into the kitchen. When I heard the door close shut I called out, "In the kitchen!"

"Jaycee!" she squealed when she saw me.

"Elle!" I squealed back.

She bulldozed me over in one of her massive, suffocating hugs. When she pulled away I asked, "Do you want the cake now or later?"

"Now, but I decided you don't have go do all those extremities," she said.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"Only do one layer."

"Oh."

I pulled out a chocolate cake mix from the pantry. It was probably the only unhealthy thing besides the Mac and Cheese currently located in there. The cookies had gone long ago.

"You know, I don't think I trust you with that," said Elle, pointing to the cake mix. "You'll poison me."

"Oh, don't be such a worry wart. I'm sure it'll be easy enough," I dismissed her.

"You mean, you've never baked a cake?" she asked.

"Nope."

I pulled out the ingredients needed to bake the cake, according to the packet.

"Shit!" I cried.

"What?" asked Elle.

"No eggs. We can make cake without them can't we? I'll just add extra milk."

She didn't reply. I took that as a yes.

"So Jaycee," said Elle. "How do you plan on getting Patrick's number?"

"That's where you come in, Ellie. You gotta get his phone number tomorrow at school."

I pulled out a measuring cup and added the milk to the mix. Without the eggs, that was all I had to add.

"How?"

"Pretend to be a giggly little admirer," I shrugged. I grabbed out the electric mixer. As I plugged it in and got ready to begin mixing, Elle backed away into the corner and covered her face with her arms. Sometimes I worry about this woman. I cannot understand half the things she does.

"Right."

I flicked the switch, causing the beaters to turn and the ingredients to all get mixed together. Delicious.

Elle stood up straight after I'd started and wiped a hand across her forehead...in relief? Why would she be relieved? I'm not dangerous.

"Is this the consistency it's meant to be?" I asked Elle, showing her the bowl. There were massive lumps all through it.

"Nope. There's not meant to be any lumps," she said.

"Oh." And I continued mixing.

"Now is it ready?" I asked again. The lumps had considerably shrunk.

"Eh, that'll do," Elle replied. I grabbed out a cake tin from one of the numerous drawers and poured the mixture into a cake tin and put it in the preheated oven.

"Let's sit down in the lounge room, hey?" I asked.

"Yeah, good idea, my legs are dying already," agreed Elle.

We plonked ourselves down and I flicked on the T.V, turning it straight to Disney channel. Did I mention before that it is very enticing?

"So his new nickname's gonna be 'Poopy pants'?" asked Elle. I was too busy watching 'Austin and Ally' to notice she said anything.

"Jaycee!"

"Huh?" I turned to her, snorting in a very unladylike way.

"So Patrick's new nickname's gonna be 'Poopy pants'?" she repeated.

"Yep, Patrick 'Poopy pants' 'Dickface' Devons."

Sorry, this is probably rly short :c but it is a kinda filler chapter

I was meant to say last chapter that Peter was the new character.

On a completely different note, i think im gonna enter this in the Wattys this year.

Oh yeah! NEARLY 1K READS THANKS SO MUCH GUYS!!!!!!! MWAH LOVE YOU'S!!!

peace out pineapples ✌

-Hayley ❤