Deep [Book One]

Five

Maya gave me a look. Her face softened and she encouraged me to continue, sitting across from me and listening to me intently. I told her my life story and i saw her hold back tears at some point. I never knew that I'd go so deep. I thought i was just going to tell her about my horrible relationship but i went to the root of it all.

I sat back against the couch, feeling light. Maya joined me and pulled me in for a huge hug. I embraced her back. Some form of chain was broken and i felt a little bit of heaviness lift from my shoulders. I don't think I've ever opened up like that. Only my family knows what I've been through. I never even told Jason. As much as i trusted him when we were dating, something never felt in place regarding us being together.

Maya vouched that she would never hurt me like that. That betrayal wasn't something in her DNA and i believed her. For some reason it felt right to trust her. It felt right to trust again. We sat next to each other and spoke about our backgrounds for close to two hours before we realized that we had wasted enough time on the saddness. We had similar struggles but we dealt differently. Maya was one of those who dealt with her issues as soon as they arised. She was open and communicated without pressure. I was the type that held everything in until i couldn't anymore. I hate asking for help because it made me seem weak. Therefore i always just kept my problems to myself and dealt the best way i knew how. It was much harder since i had all these trust issues, so i was truly on my own.

"So... i say we go out and kick back a bit. Let's just enjoy the night. Who knows, your new found openness might just get yourself some male attention tonight. " Maya spoke pulling me away from my thoughts.

"I don't know if I'm ready for all that yet but I'm willing to go out and have some fun." I responded, uncertainty laced my voice. One minute i was up for it but the next, i dreaded it all. I knew it was for the better but for some reason i couldn't see it too clearly.

Maya left my place and went and got ready at her house while leaving me here to my own devices. If it were up to me, I'd wear my sweatpants but decided a little more effort was required on my part. Since the weather was cooling down, i decided that i didn't want to show too much skin but a little won't hurt.

I did my hair and make up myself. It reminded me that i was infact still a young lady and i needed to act like one more often.

This new journey was going to be tough but i knew i had it somewhere in me to be completely free of the things that plagued me so much. I had to put my worries aside and just live life. I was about to be 21 and i had more stress than a 30 year old but most of my issues were things i had no control over and that mafe me feel even more anxious. Once i learned to let go, i would be ok but it was harder because if i let go, I'd feel like they were never real.

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We made our way inside of the dimly lit lounge. I begged Maya to take it easy on me. We decided to skip the bar and go for a more vibey place. She wanted to head to a club but i wasn't ready yet, so a nice hookah lounge with a live band that she came to often was the second choice. I saw a lot of my campus mates here. People i thought never noticed me actually came up to me and greeted. I even sparked up conversations with two of them because i had classes with them.