3:12 am | Dazai Osamu

02. shared cup/shared night

"Tell me about yourself." I said, leaning back on the chair

It has already been 4am, when (Y/N) and I finally reached that one bar I wanted to visit to drink a couple of cups of sake. We still had about 3 hours before the new day would start so I suggested coming here. After all, why did we have to stay there in that creepy park?

"What do you want to know?" (Y/N) asked as she finally looked at me instead of staring at the darkness of the street

The bar we were in had tables outside on the street, which was where we chose to sit.

"How old are you, what are your hobbies. Just tell me something, that would be interesting." I explained

"Well.." She mumbled, thinking for a while "I'm 16. I like a lot of things, but I don't think that I have some particular hobbies since I usually try to spend as much time as possible away from my so-called home. I also doubt that I have any talent or dream. After my parents divorced, everything was just shred to pieces. Your turn."

I blinked a couple of times at how calm she was, while talking about all of this. She was definitely the type of people, who have been hurt too many times to feel anything. I wish, I could belong to them too, but my pain threshold was definitely much bigger, than theirs, so I was forced to suffer over and over again until I'd finally reach the edge and snap, losing all my emotions and colors all at once.

"I'm 16 too." I finally answered "I don't have any hobbies and talents too so we're even here. Hm, does suicide counts as a hobby though? I often try to kill myself, but I'm either the luckiest or the unlikeliest person on Earth because I never succeed. I just want to wake up from this agonizing dream."

I reached over for a bottle of sake, before pouring myself some more in the cup. (Y/N) stayed still though, still holding her cup in her tiny hands without having made a single sip.

"Why aren't you drinking?" I asked her

"When I look into it, I can see the reflection of stars in it." She answered quietly "They shine unusually bright today."

"It's just because there are no clouds." I replied "However, what happens when there are some?"

"We can't see a single star in the sky." (Y/N) quickly said, instantly understanding what I mean "Same is with people. Whenever problems appear, we start losing everyone around us."

"Just drink the sake, (Y/N)." I advised her "It's not as heavy as whiskey or vodka if you're worried about getting drunk. Sake will just help you relax a little and you've had a rough night."

"It's just that..." She started "I've never tried alcohol before..."

"Never?" I reasked, honestly being surprised

"No." She shook her head "I never really had any friends or at least someone close to that so that I could try alcohol with them."

"Well, you can try it now." I said "Just one cup."

She stared in the liquid in her cup for a second more, before unsurely taking a sip of it.

"It's...not as bad as I heard alcohol is." She finally said

"Alcohol is not bad at all. Moreover, it helps you!" I answered "It helps you forget the sadness and despair, that we're constantly drowning in. Why torturing yourself with overthinking, when you could just drink one cup of this nectar and forget your pain in it."

"It's so sad to hear..." (Y/N) said quietly "You're just 16 and you're already talking like an alcoholic."

"You sound like you're going to take your life tomorrow though." I noticed, taking another sip again

"Maybe I will."

"Maybe I will too."

(Y/N) took another sip of sake, bigger than the previous one, and I felt how the lacking confidence rushed to her as well as a gentle tint of sadness.

"Actually this all is rather pitiful." She suddenly whispered "I'm talking to a complete stranger at 4am, while my mom's sleeping with an unknown to me man...I wish, I could just disappear."

"(Y/N), I hate my life just as much as you hate yours." I said "Why else would I be there in the park, drunk and looking for someone to talk to? I understand you."

"People always say that at night." She replied "They change in the daytime."

"I can assure you, that I will say the same in the daytime as well." I said

"I need proof." (Y/N) answered me quietly

"I thought, that you didn't want to see me again." I blinked

"Maybe I changed my mind? I feel calm around you...I wonder, if it's just sake or it's your presence, but tears are no longer in my eyes and my heart is not feeling as heavy as a rock."

(Y/N) leaned back on the chair, crossing her arms on her chest in an attempt to hide herself from the merciless cool wind.

"Then how about meeting here tomorrow, at 3 pm? I'll say the same words, I promise. But you must be the same too." I suggested, standing up to go to her, before taking off my jacket and wrapping it around her shoulders

"Ah, wait!" She exclaimed, tensing and blushing suddenly "You'll get cold without it...! I'm fine! I'm just a little cold..."

Despite saying that, I could clearly see how she relaxed her shoulders were, unlike her arms. She liked this little gesture of mine, but it just seemed like no one ever did that to her before so she thought, that I was expecting something in return. Poor little girl. I wondered what has happened to her before so that now, she wasn't even used to the simplest warm gesture.

"I'm not even a little cold." I assured her "Keep the jacket until tomorrow, alright? I don't want you to fall ill. And I don't need anything in return."

(Y/N) immediately relaxed completely, wrapping the jacket around her more since she was definitely frozen cold long before I noticed it.

"Thank you, Dazai..." She answered quietly "No one ever did something like this to me..."

"I'm glad to be your first both, drinking partner and savior from coldness." I chuckled

For a moment, I stayed there, not moving, but just looking at her closely. She actually had a very pretty face, which was just very sad and tired. (Y/N) looked fragile, which was very unusual for people with such a life like hers. Not everyone could keep gentleness inside of them, while always acting tough in front of others at first.

I didn't regret getting myself into this story, to be honest. After all, sharing a cup of sake at 4 am with a pretty girl is never bad, right?

~~~

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I hope that you liked this chapter^^ also, I suppose that I not update earlier than Tuesday. My prom is gonna be soon (I'm finishing 9th grade finally^^) and I have some stuff to do before it and on weekend. Then, I have an entrance exam to the new school on Monday so yeah >~<